come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, March 27, 2009

He's Not Heavy, He's My Brother!

We were in Yellowstone for a vacation
a few summers ago.
Son #3, the baby, at 4 years old
got SO tired he couldn't walk
any further.

His brother, age 6, Son #2

carried him the rest of the way...

Thanks for being my blogger friends!!!,
and carrying me through the tough times.
I love your laughs, your smiles, your friendship!

Sometimes we come upon a situation or a person who needs to be lifted up and carried for a bit. It may be a family member, a loved one, a friend, or it might even be a stranger. But, whoever it is, somewhere deep down in our heart and soul we know we want to reach out to them. At the same time, our minds may be telling us it is not our problem; they created their own problem, and there will be no gratitude or reward . . . but our hearts continue to reach out.

It is during these situations that we have to go with our hearts. We don't know if our reaching out will create a permanent solution for them, nor do we know how they will handle the outcome. We just have to reach out, lift up and share their load. In doing this we will gain the extra strength we need. The load will not be heavy, and if we can give them comfort or make even the slightest difference in their life, that alone should be our reward.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother
by Neil Diamond
click here to listen to the song and read the lyrics

Monday, March 23, 2009

pieces of you...

Today, as I read many of you, I found pieces of you that touched my heart. This is for all of you...thanks for reading.

Just Be Real....on being worthy:
Though I still find it a struggle to believe that I am worthy, let alone worthy of God’s love, I try to remind myself of this daily, that I am Worthy. Of course it is easier for me to "tell" someone that they are worthy and worthy of God's love, than to believe it for myself.

This post really grabbed my emotions this morning, and a few times I have gone back to read it. I love the thought that we can hope to begin to believe in ourselves that we TOO are WORTHY of the love of God, and the healing that we can have. As I read so many of you today, I know that his messages is pure and needed by so many. Hugs. and love...

oh, and I love her birds... so sweet and peaceful...

From Hope:
The one thing I do remember saying today was that it wasn't about having a perfect, put together life, but about knowing Who to turn to when life happens; because life happens to us all.
This is just one beautiful part of what [she] had written, in my comment: "and I must take this little piece of you and put it with my thoughts today. Thank you for sharing this story. I am sorry for the pain you have felt, and endured. But knowing you have endured it and come up with such a beautiful message gives me HOPE."

so let me pretend
it’s what i want
merrily going my way
a different location
with different view
to where i slept yesterday...

Today, I didn't want to face the music, I didn't want to open my eyes, and remember the pain in my heart, and the world of my dear loved ones, I just wanted to go back to sleep....but reading this I realized that all I could do is go back a step in my moving forward process, and I would still have to wake up to TODAY...

from Nancy at Heal and Forgive:
When it comes to healing from childhood abuse and/or family estrangement, it was hard for me to recognize my progress, especially when I was still in pain.

Sometimes, I'd feel triggered by a certain event and I'd despair, "Will I ever heal? Will I always be in pain?" It didn't dawn on me that I viewed healing as all or nothing. As long as I experienced any pain I failed to notice my progress.

This so explains my pain, for me and to heal? that is the question. and HOW do you heal for good...
She continues: Many years ago, after a period of hopelessness, I realized that I was indeed making progress. I could measure my progress in terms of years. Where am I compared to fifteen years ago?...Five years ago?...and one year ago? The answer, of course, was: "In a much better place."

I could see that each time I "hit" a patch of pain, I was healing at a deeper level. Sometimes, my feelings may have been the same, but I was not the same!

When I began to focus on my progress vs. being pain free, it restored my energy and gave me renewed hope!

Prayer Girl always writes her way into my heart and soul. Such inspiring words. After reading Nancy and feeling what I feel, and realizing I am not alone in my pain, she wrote tears into my eyes...I go to Prayer Girl, and read:
And I am not alone
Nor alien in their midst

They offer forth their honey scent

Show off their coverings bright
Bend gently to my softest touch
And whisper we are one

Prayer Girl

Of all the poems that I have written, this one is my favorite. It lifts me up, encourages me, fills me with comfort, and connects me with something bigger than myself. I need that.


She talks previously in the poem about being alone...and it actually feels like a good thing, strength in being about to stand alone on your two feet, that is what I felt, and then to be hit with the realization that we are never alone....thanks. goodness does God ever send us angels, they are among us, and he is one...thank you steve, for so much support and attention to the details I miss in my pain, for giving me Hope, and smiles in my miles. this touched me today:
that beautiful dawn, that light of a new day, you will know. Yes, you will believe and know of God's Power, God's Love, and God's Way of Life. You will know because I told you so, and I was there...

My prayer is that I may do His will always. That is all I ask for me.

Interesting that I read Psych Client at the Therapy Buzz last week and this week was touched by an entirily different comment in the same post. I went to comment on it and saw my comment from last week, and found some perspective. We all need perspective.

So here is last week:

I feel like that spoiled child that just always wants more and always what I don't have. Time to focus on what I do have right?"
This explains just how I feel sometimes. So spoiled, yet not content. I see people having troubles and tragedies making gratitude lists. Being grateful, and counting blessings...literally numbering them. THANKFUL THURSDAY. It is a great start. Maybe give your self a number goal, and start writing. It does seem to put people in a better mode of thinking. I will try it this you want to?

Hugs. Hope you have a happy day!


and this week:

The past...must stay in the past, but it doesn't. It rears its ugly head whenever I have too much time to think. Of course, he has moved on and so have I moved on. Tell my brain that, tell my heart that. I need to be grateful for what I do have and I do have a lot.

does that mean yesterday...and the day before...and Friday, and Friday NIGHT.


The Zen of Motherhood
had a challenge to eat a was for her have to read it. and then i realized
When I saw "eat a bug" on the challenge card, I was expecting a gummy worm or something. Oh, no. Instead, at the bug chomping booth, I found a heaping plate of fried meal worms.

To my horror, I heard myself say, "I will, if you will, Boogie."

There was an "awesome, spectacular" prize on the line, after all.

As soon as I had committed myself, Baby Puppy was transformed from a timid leg clinger to a small version of a desperate Survivor contestant. She gobbled that worm without a moment of hesitation. I think that she would have had seconds if I would have allowed it.

You will have to go read her to find out if she ate the bug...

but here in this moment, as i pictured her small child, trusting her mother, and because of that trust being able to do something so seemingly impossible. and I thought, what wouldn't I do for my child. What horror, or hard work would I not go through for them, for love, for protection, even for peace.

I need to do more for my kids, lay with them, snuggle, read books, work beside them, laugh, and I have to STOP complaining about how I feel everyday. I swear I am the WORST example for so many things...zoning out...reading a book ALONE, watching TV...being impatient...I can so easily fault find...

and then I remember the list.


The list of things my kids said about me yesterday during Sunday Dinner. We were doing a part of an interview I have been working on each Sunday. One question during dinner, and the conversation takes off. The LIST, it was so beautiful, I sat there with tears in my eyes, surrounded by 5 people whose very lives and happiness is rooted in my being healthy. But all they saw were the good things. So sweetly reminiscing about ME. And I couldn't believe it. They, who I always think I am ruining, THEY love me. THEY had so many nice things to say.

I think I can, I am a good mom, and my kids DESERVE me. I can do it.

Jess Mistress of Mischief:
God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will
and take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness
to those that I would help
Of Thy power, Thy Love and Thy way of life
May I do your will always...

thanks, I needed that...

wrote something in her post that intrigued my reflections:

Life is about Choices

the title of her post could stand alone...and I don't find it by chance that I am following these posts in this order. God directs us in mysterious ways, when we are on a journey for peace, hope, and healing.
"Yeah, right. It isn't that easy." I protested.

"Yes it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line is: It's your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Michael said.

Well said.

Depressed, very depressed. I've decided it's a worse feeling to be disappointed in yourself than to be disappointed in other people.

me too.

and i know that if I could take back the night...take back Friday,...take back some mistakes from my my daughter through her disappointment in herself...hmmm. so much to ponder.

Victory Over Sexual Abuse:
post on Abandonment...
Here's part of her letter: "Marilyn Meberg gave a wonderful talk that gave me chills. She talked about abandonment and that we were created to be connected. There is a disconnect when one is abandoned; a feeling of shame - “Wasn’t I good enough, why did ___ leave me?” She noted that those who have been severely abandoned, especially in childhood, have a need to control others. And an intense need to never talk about that which they are most ashamed of - that something must be wrong with them to cause the other person to abandon them, they must not be worth keeping. The strange thing is, it is only through recognizing those hidden hurts and working through the hurts that one can heal. A couple good verses that pertain to the subject were: Isaiah 41:9 and John 1:12-13."

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you." Isaiah 41:9

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, He gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." John 1:12-13

The feelings one has when being abandoned are so prominant and hard to overcome. I abandoned my friend Friday. I am not dealing well with it. On the surface, I am rising above it. But it is stiring pain in me, it is stiring so much destruction, from my own memories, my feelings, my regret, my lack of control, my knowing I could have done something. OH my goodness, this is so awful to feel

Which is why reading her post again was so amazing. To not be alone, to know that someone gets ME.


then I read
Hush Puppies Dont Say Finding Me

and I commented: are so brave and so courageous, and writing this has taken the power from him, from that act, and given it to you. You can HEAL, you can move forward.

Like you said: YOU ARE TRYING. that is all you have to do...

may I post this:

Pandora's box has been opened and there is no telling what will happn next. This is where I want to run because it is uncomfortable for me. In the past I would have already given up, packed my shit and moved away. That's what I do best. RUN......This time I am determined that I will not run. I'm trying to make sure that I see this through. Still feeling depressed and a bit lethargic in general. There is just a lot of stuff to deal with. It's not like I didn't already have enough on my plate but I thought I needed to add more to it. Anyway Im trying.

Try, Try, can I.

Alanis Rae, Beauty in the Rain
wrote about Silence:

"We cling to our silences, as if it brings relief or safety or dignity or
maybe it's that silence that makes it so easy to pretend
so easy to force yourself to believe it didn't happen to you.
So easy to deny when no one knows the truth.
Lock the little girl broken by violence away
her screams subdued but still there
and she will be heard one day.
Silence is deadly. "

just thanks. for misting my eyes, heart and soul, with your true beauty.

I love to read

She is amazing and honest and pure. And beautiful. Yes, you are. I can read right through the parts where you are not feeling your best. You are amazing and inspiring. I hope that somehow I can tell you enough that you begin to believe it.

Thanks for caring so much. Your posts are so wonderfully helpful and healing, for me and hopefully for you. Thanks for caring about the kids who suffered abuse and incest, and for not being silent about how you feel. It was if someone really cared about ME, when I read it, I felt that you cared. thanks.

Larry G wrote an amazing new Love love.

This part touched my heart today:
Give me your hand, let's dig in and search new ground together. There's treasure everywhere.

I look forward to finding my treasure and celebratin my children finding theirs...

my 1427.17 wrote this:
"You know how you just sit sometimes and you know that the moment created is meant for your presence. "

thank you!

April_optimist in her post about Assumptions we make.

It's a reminder that so many assumptions we make are just stories. Some have more evidence behind them than other but....still they are just stories. And stories can be rewritten—especially the ones that keep us trapped in hurt or anger or a mistaken sense of limitation.

Here's hoping you have your own epiphanies and rewrite some stories of your own this week. Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),

... I am full of pondering and reflection today, and it seems like I am writing a dance as I journey through others blogs, I am so thankful for you all.

I am so thankful for everyone of you. If I have missed any who are reading me, please comment, I would love to come by and be inspired by your journey to heal and live this amazing potential filled life...

Marj aka Thriver at Survivors can Thrive wrote a poem about being Assertive, Doorman No More. Her entire post is so empowering and vulnerable. You will not regret the time you spend there. She is on Spring Break...Yeah her. But her post below that: Doorman No More...and then what she is doing in the Carnival Against Child Abuse...and telling the amazing work. I am thankful she introduced me to it...

and finally The Amazing Adventure...she is back on track...

and writing about returning to church. I think the key thing is that we find grace, to rewind ourselves....and figure out our stuff:

I went to church this morning and it was good. God is using many people and many things to strengthen my faith right now. He's also bombarding me daily with the message that there is no place I can go or thing that I can do that will take His love from me. I've tried over a dozen times to write about what's going on in my heart and mind but couldn't find the right words.

I love her honesty here...and then she writes a list of thankful things...

thankful that "A God that shows me daily that He loves me", and "Knowing that with trials comes joy at the end."

I really do love you people, my friends, my support, strength, light and intervention in my life, thank you for being here.

Thank you for coming back even when I have lulls,

"I am trying."

go GABriEllA!

thank you all who write and allow me to see inside your lives.

I just read Gabriella Moonlight, and she has written a beautiful post... I love the plaque as you link to her. Amazing lady. We are so lucky to have such light through one another...

...stay tuned...for I have learned much from many of you today, in my need to be here...thanks.

the climb

Sunday, March 22, 2009

So Serious....please.

I need to just write out my hearts most fullest feelings tonight.

I know in advance of dumping some emotional baggage here that I am not responsible for others feelings around me, but that lack of responsibility does not humanly allow for me to just be mute, deaf and dumb to others pains and afflictions.

I feel like the WORST friend right now.

I do feel like a horrible friend. I was the designated driver this past weekend and at a party where others were drinking and it got out of hand.

However, I felt totally in control. Maybe too in control. I let my best friend/sister, who was drinking, leave for a smoke with some other acquaintances. Not being a smoker myself we broke the friend pact to never leave each others side. I used the power of trust in a really bad way. I believed all would be well.

It wasn't, and some bad stuff happened. I heard about it the following day, and have been stricken with guilt and grief to a degree of SHAME.

SHAME on me for not staying by her side.
SHAME on me for forgetting how vulnerable we are...ME OF ALL PEOPLE.
SHAME on me for being so FREAKING CALM,
and SHAME for allowing her to be in a bad situation.

Thank goodness she can't remember any of it, YET.

And she is fine, really...the details, and potential hazards, will only be revealed as time passes.

I know I am being vague. I really have no right to even write this. But I have to leave and in prayer.

I just feel sick. My mind is flooded with the most horrific of my awful experiences, all over again.

I can't stand this feeling...

Then, my little one made a horrible mistake this past week and I feel so much sorrow for her pain and insecurity. She is growing from the experience and will live through it, and we won't be moving out of the country any time soon so she will have to go back to school...tomorrow...

...her dad offered to go hold her hand all which she declined. How much more embarrassing would that be!!! [not a question]

We had to write a letter to her teacher, which I have just finished, and would share because I poured my heart and soul into it, but it is her experience, and not right for me to write, yet again.

My little boy and I made Grandma's Rice Krispie treats tonight. I could have eaten the whole pan, and felt the warmth of her love, and maybe a little bit of peace....all will be well. Thank goodness for the goodness of people and prayers.

If you will, PLEASE pray for my sister, and for my daughter. ...and for me.

hugs, [[[[safe hugs]]]] to each of you. ♥ mile191, "hope"ing to smile again soon...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thankful Thursday: Honor and Remember

The Zen of Motherhood posted this:
Honor and Remember

from her post: [quote]
Kevin Baker was a 39 year old disabled veteran of the first Gulf War.

On March 7, Kevin left Norman, Oklahoma on his hand-propelled bicycle.
He planned to bicycle to Washington, D.C. to raise awareness of veteran's issues and promote the adoption of the Honor and Remember flag as a national symbol (HR Bill 1034).

Kevin died of a seizure on March 13 in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

Please visit the Honor and Remember site
for more information about the flag.

Sign the petition, if you choose.

And, Honor and Remember.

[unquote] what you can to Honor and Remember our veterans, always.
I signed the is nice to be a part of such a worthy cause...
there are over 13,600 people who have signed so far.

Will your voice be heard?

Today, in HONOR of them

33 things I am thankful for....because I like that number...

and because it gives me a goal.

1. family, my family...darling children and supportive husband.
2. extended family, sisters, cousins, grandparents, aunts, friends...
3. our pets, they love us back
4. the Gospel of Jesus Christ. ...knowing he loves me.

5. understanding the Plan of Salvation, and knowing why I am here, and why life is what it is...and that

there will be rest for the Him.

6. being a wife, and a mother.  greatest of all!

7. my freedom...this country, and those who fight for our ability to wake up in the morning in is not like this everywhere in the world,...and I pray for freedom for all, and peace for all beings.

8. prayer

9. being able to write, and having feelings to write about
10. my support here, in my closet...YOU!
11. the opportunity to go back to school
12. being teachable
13. having food in the cupboards, and being able to go to the store for what we need. mostly, being able to feed my children.

14. my memories...many more wonderful than dark ones...and making new ones.

15. my health, my childrens health. my healthy husband.
16. my husbands job, and his ability to make a living that supports our family.
17. lunch with Grandpa....and memories of Grandma ♥

18. talking to my sister everyday. love you sister. Miss you EVERY DAY! xoxoxxx
19. girls night out...and sleepovers with my daughter. she is so cute.
20. Temples, and Families can be Together Forever

...our religion believes this...want to know more,
click here or on the picture of Christ on my sidebar
...or the need help...

21. the 12 Step Program...for recovery...also on my sidebar

...or click here

22. my cousin. her support and her kindness in my trials. going to 12 Step with me... love her....miss her too, 1427.17

23. noon day meals....something my grandpa taught me

24. YOU, again...thank you!

25. sunsets...and sunrises...

26. Spring...and Fall...being renewed...and the beauty of a crisp fall day

27. St. Patricks Day...of course...GREEN
28. my childrens birthdays

...and the memory of each birth

Jesus Christ, yes, again...
30. Grandfather, for his example of an honorable veteran...
31. school plays...and performances, always touch my heart.

32. Birds...and Trees...and places you can fish...

33. To be alive, today, in a day where we can reach out to one another, our voices are heard, we are no longer silenced. Even in our darkest moments, someone will find us, and leave a healing kind comment, to which we know that here, we are not alone, and reminded daily to turn to Christ, who heals us, and helps make it ONE DAY AT A TIME!

It's Thankful THursDAY.

Play along...You are Tagged...Leave me a comment if you are making your list, and I will stop by to read you.

Love, mile 191...Hope ♥

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

because someone cares

...when you read me and comment it makes my day...seriously.
because I know that what I have written is doing some good.

it was so hard to be open.

like pouring salt in old wounds...

wounds that would never heal...

which are slowly healing...

here, because someone cares.

I have a new reader,
who commented on a very old post

I asked her if I could use something from her blog

The Real Gal

Her post: Healing from the Inside Out/Brokenness really touched me.

Sometimes recovery is exhausting. Sometimes we feel like a raw nerve all the way down to the core of our being. You can't touch anything without causing pain. In times like this we see clearly that our healing must be from the inside out. Nothing superficial will be of any consequence. We need our 'inner being', our 'heart', to experience God's healing power.

This message has so much for me to reflect in right now. I understand what is says about being exhausting. I see it in my kids. They are worried and effected by my recovery process. I am sucking the life out of their childhood, trying to get over mine, which only furthers my process in healing. I suck at healing. I am certainly a closet person. I just hide everything away, and don't open the closet or drawers, or answer the phone, or the door. I just want to be hidden, safe, in the darkness.

I know the feeling of every touch causing pain. Suffering tremendously because of the past, and not knowing how to let go.

I do appreciate knowing so many of you through your writing. YOU are all amazing people, on the journey of healing. Thank you for being here with me. Please express what you feel when you are here. I return to you knowing you have been here, and appreciate each of your expressions, as part of my healing is through you.

as I said to her:
Please respond to any old posts that you feel to. I need to know that what I have written is helping others. Or it is in vain that I wrote it at all. YOU made me feel that it is worth the pain I went through to write.


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Grace through Hope reflection

The quote below was in my email today. I have put a bit o the bit o irish in that rhetoric...

...bit o thought...

into what it says.
"We should have great hope in knowing, however unworthy we may feel or weak we may be, that if we will do all we can, He will come to our aid and provide for us whatever we may lack."

Really, He will come to our aid...and provide for us whatever we may lack. What a thought...

I want to believe this. Grace through Hope. I do HOPE to believe this. And Grace...what a beautiful promise..

Okay, I have said before that I love words, and their meanings. My favorite book of all is the Collegiate Dictionary....1692 pages of pure fun. Some of my best disciplines for my kids have happened in the pages of this book. I love it.

So I looked up Grace: a sense of what is right and proper...thoughtfulness toward others. good will...mercy...a period of time granted beyond the date set for the performance of an act or payment of an obligation; temporary exemption...

i want to focus on this one for a minute...although there are many other parts of the word to dissect.

period of time on earth. We have been given an amount of time to make good on the promise that we made in heaven. That we would do our best, remember Him, and keep what is right. He has given us grace...a period of time to work out the distractions of the world and turn our selves over to Him. A time to discover ourselves, and find that we indeed need HIM. Then we turn to Him, and He makes more of us than we could ever make on our own. We discover Grace through Hope. Our desire to make our lives better. To make better choices. Choices that lead our hearts to purity and peace.

Back to the definition. ...the condition of a person thus influenced, a special virtue given to a person by God.

fall from grace DO WRONG, SIN...

graceless: lacking any sense of what is write and proper...


graceful: having grace, a beauty of form, composition, movement, expression.

I have seen and been fortunate to be with people who are indeed full of GRACE. Very elegant and peaceful people.

That is how I want to be...I Hope to have Grace...and I do wish to continue to heal, as I find peace in who I am and what I am becoming.

Thanks for being on my journey with me. Please, if you are new here, feel free to read my book posts. See the right side bar for easy access of them in order. Trigger warning: If you have been abused some of these posts might trigger some memories in you. Read only if you feel strength to use them in positive healing ways.

I am doing much better. I have hard days. I don't post here as much, and need to read each of you. Please comment if you are reading so that I can return to you and be part of your support team. safe hugs to each of you.

♥Mile 191....becoming SMile 191

Grace through Hope

"We should have great hope in knowing, however unworthy we may feel or weak we may be, that if we will do all we can, He will come to our aid and provide for us whatever we may lack. (See 2 Cor. 12:9.)

That statement, to some degree, defines grace.

- Gene R. Cook, "Receiving Divine Assistance through the Grace of the Lord," Ensign (CR), May 1993, p.79


If you have something
to do that is

worthwhile doing,
don't talk about it,

but do it.
After you have done it,

your friends and
enemies will talk

about it.

- George W. Blount

Monday, March 9, 2009

Key to helping someone:

Try this blog [above]. I co-wrote something about the loss of a child. What is shared by another woman is very passionate writing and the expression of loss is so amazing. This woman deserves so much credit for sharing her story.

It is a beautiful message of hope and helping to heal the pain of abuse and abandonment. Through her loss, she has done so much to reach out to others. Her pain right now is healing, and sharing this story took a lot of courage. THaNKs if you can read it. Hugs to you all.

Just click on the buttons above!

Happy Birthday Seuss

I got this from Stepping Stones blog. A woman who has lost babies in pregnancy and has beautifully put together a blog that supports others who have also experienced loss. I thought that I had done well to highlight Sam in his BIRTHDAY, and Dr. Seuss deserved some attention. Hugs to you all. Enjoy as I have!!!

Last Monday was Dr. Seuss's birthday- he would have been 105.

A person's a person, no matter how small.
-Dr. Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-Dr. Seuss

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
-Dr. Seuss

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
-Dr. Seuss

and my new favorite:

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
-Dr. Seuss

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191