come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, December 6, 2013


It has been so long since I have posted anything here.
Some of my days
 I feel
a little stuck at Mile 191.
Some I am camped there:
so much has been going on.
So much growth,
and growing,
I have been really holding in a lot of pains.
Trying my best.
smiling my best
Sometime...soon maybe...I will come here
and share some of the struggles that have kept me away.
Struggles that are so personal,
and so painful,
that even here, in my closet, I couldn't share them.
I want to SHARE this:
I believe it.
I think it is possible.
Watch the video link below and tell me what you believe,
what you think is possible.
Make it a Good Day!
At my Grandfathers house-
the saying goes
a Good Day.
Good days don't just happen.
It is a choice,
and an effort.
 - Watch this video -
I believe it can change your life!
A Must-Watch For Anyone Frustrated With Growing Up

Watching this video today really exploded my heart!

We are all here together,
in this life....doing all we can
"in the day to day trenches"
"Have a nice day!" 
"The most obvious and important realities
 are often the ones
 that are the hardest to see and talk about"   
and ....*choices...can have
"a life or death importance". 

define *CHOOSE: to select freely and after consideration
CHOOSE to Make it "a nice day!"
What I hope to consciously learn...and choose:
*it is not all about me
*my natural default settings need work
*no one is in my way
*i am not the center of the world
*people and traffic don't have to automatically annoy me
*people are just as frustrated as i am,
as lonely as i am, as sad,
and trying as hard as i am
to navigate their life
*some people have much harder,
more tedious,
more painful lives
than i could ever imagine
*it takes will
and effort to be aware of others
*choose to look differently at people
*choose to LOVE
*life doesn't have to be miserable
*it is in my power
to experience difficult situations
 as sacred opportunities
to love,
to fellowship,
and to be one with others
 experiencing their difficult situation
*I get to decide, to choose, how I see life, how I live life!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191