come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

i was just a little girl

This may seem unreal, or that there must be more to it than that. I have spent a good portion of my life wondering what it is that I did wrong.

Why did I have to experience what I did?
Really is it only my perspective that allows me to feel the way that I do.
Here is what I have come to conclude.

I did nothing wrong. I did deserve to be loved. And still do not need to be carrying the guilt for the decisions made by those in my life who should have had the sense to give up unbridled passion for what is truly worthwhile.

It really wasn’t my fault and none of it should have happened. It was not really part of the plan. It was because of other peoples selfishness, and wickedness that I suffered at their hands and paid the price of their senseless acts of unkindness.

I do not believe that I was meant to experience these things, as no child should have to. But because of my experiences I am strongly aware of the disgustful practice of abuse across this nation and behind closed doors.

Statistically there are thousands who experience abuse, many never have a voice, or there are those afraid to find theirs. Now is my time to speak out.

It happened to me. I am your neighbor, your friend, I live just down the street from you, and I smile when you walk past.

My husband suffers with me now, the consequences of abuse. He smiles too, and then we cry together, when I let him cry with me.
Mostly I just shut everyone out of this pain and cry when no one is looking. I watch others children, hoping that they do not suffer from the very effects of my personal experiences.
Sometimes I pick up on a clue or a sign, but am I just reading into things. I wish I knew.
If you are being hurt, or you know someone who is, trust me it is your responsibility, our responsibility to speak up for them. For the child or the adult who can not, for now, it is up to you to say something.

For me, then , because I was just a little girl.

No comments:

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191