come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, December 12, 2008

book mile 191 cont: unraveling

The truth is my best friends life was beginning to unravel.

I was trying to repair them as quickly as the end of the tapestry was being unraveled. I couldn’t help.

Everyone around me was hurting.

I learned that this family had a whole lifetime of pain of their own.

They had taken me in and helped me to begin to heal all the while they had their own pain to deal with.

My foster mother had been taking pain medication for all of her children’s lives.

The doctors back then kept prescribing medications and then when she couldn’t get the medicines she would forge or steal; whatever she had to do.

She had her addictions. This time her addictions took her life.

She froze to death in a place she had always found peace.

Off mile 191; through her favorite canyon, the canyon that once led her back home. The canyon that seperated her childhood, and her life as an adult. The canyon; had she stayed on the road, had she not veered at mile 191, quit at mile 191; she could have returned to either home.

While many were looking for her, no one knew what mile would be the end of her journey. Now we know.

There was a funeral, tears, anger, suppression of feelings and moving on, but the pain is, and forever will be, a part of her family.


Her family encompassed in pain then and continues to hold.

Whatever the addiction;
alcohol, sex, drugs, pornography,
I have seen the destruction of families by these horrible things.

I refuse to allow these addictions to be a part of my life and pray they will never be a part of my children's lives.  

7 comments:

quietrage said...

I understand hon, I was addicted to heroin for over 15 years, my form of numbing myself from my abuse. I have found myself drinking more lately as well, trying to cope with the intense pain of my illness and not being able to afford to go to pain management to get more medications. *SIGH* All I can do is offer you *hugs* and tell you to keep writing and letting out your feelings. I miss you at my blog *smiles*

Shadow said...

the way you till it. moving. true.

jumpinginpuddles said...

yes ur right we all have addictions

Pam said...

I am hearing you darlin'.

PRAYER GIRL said...

Hi Mile 191,
I'm back to reading blogs.

I've not had a chance to read or reply so I wanted you to know I'm still following the story you tell.

God bless you.

mile191 said...

thanks everyone. sorry i havent been reading either. i am really having a harder time than i let on right now. so i will get back to each of you soon. i do love and appreciate the kind support you are giving me. thanks. ♥ and please don't think that my absense is on purpose. i just can't get to everything. thanks for coming by to say hello. i appreciate your comments. [alot]

Psych Client said...

You write beautifully and capture your emotions and feelings. You are very in tune with yourself and articulate the words in a way I hope I can some day.

Addiction. Yes, have had a few and probably still do with some things.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.


this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.


mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.


please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.


this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.


Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥



What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191