come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

recovery=recover me

there is more strength in you that you realize

"all the strength you will ever need is within you now,
it was put there by your creator --
who knew well
what you would face in this life
and made you equal to it" day at a time

Friday, April 27, 2012

a sMILEstone

regarding my previous post: not an easy road we are on

QUICK UPDATE: a happier moment!!!!....his Eagle Project was approved. Yay for people who will listen and understand. Now a few merit badge details, a Board of Review, and his Eagle has become an accomplishment! Yay Son!!!!
the flower that
blooms in adversity
is the most beautiful
one of all

mile 191 and a good friend

click the picture to link to Steve Es post

Hey dear friend Steve E!  It's me...mile :)
THANK YOU for sheding light into my closet and for sharing our story. 
As you know I have healed a LOT from this world of supportive blogging, and I am dearly thankful for every comment and cyber safe (((hug))).  Life is so much better down this road than it was when I began sharing my story. 
I believe in the power of words and in the comfort that comes from those willing to listen by reading and I am thankful for every word of support.
I have much to write, and when done with finals this next week plan to share my own pictures of the origonal Mile 191 (i went back to ponder, heal). 
I also have a fun share about my favorite flower....a hint...

Thank you for your friendship. 
And EVERYONE here for your comments.  I plan to stop by your places when I get done with my papers.
sincerely, mile191

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

not an easy road we are on

did I mention that my teenager has a head injury?

most people think he is just being a normal teen, thus i am over-reacting to how hard daily stuff is.
i began to write a blog about his head injury,
but i haven't really written from my heart.

oh, sounds pathetic enough when I update after an appointment, or some new found knowledge of how this week might go.

thing about head injuries
is you never really know
what to do...daily,

thing about teens...
you never know
what to do...daily,

it has been a year and a half since his classified mild traumatic brain injury, and since we let him play football (i think we brought it on ourselves at this point) he was hurt again, so we have injury upon injury.
(upon injury...upon injury)
....his heartache
....his heartache....

it's just big.

today as I tried to work with him on his eagle project he decided to go meet up with some friends, to skateboard....another un-safe sport that he engages in...mind you he is 17.5 years old...almost 18....and has a "mind" of his own.

I tried not to lose it....his Eagle project becoming mine to finish....(the paperwork is all that is left, he did the rest....a year ago.)

So as I patiently tried to explain that I needed him here with me to do the paperwork, it is NOT my project and really he should be doing it on his own, but I have been allowed to help him get the paperwork filled out, so that he can get it turned in and he can get credit for the work he did...sounds right, right!?

Wrong...! He says to me..."Mom, I don't even remember doing the Eagle Project".

more heartbreak.

"it was last Spring", i remind him.

"ya, well, there is a lot i don't remember."

i tell him I can show him the pictures.
he tells me, "not now". "can i just go, mom, please?"

i let him go.
and i cry inside.

will he ever remember.

i promise to be back with some of the happier moments, because yes, there are happy parts. i just needed to write this, here, in my closet, safe, while i cry...on the inside.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191