come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Holidays!

It's been a while.....

I find it frustrating that living life
makes it too busy to blog about it!
[hehehe, smile]

However I am repenting my ways and will be back, ...just not until the beginning of January. I have something I get to do, something that involves my daughter and my little sister, and I am thrilled to have the opportunity. It will keep me away, yet if I have the time or chance I will check in.

Thank you all so much for watching over me.

Mike at Rambling Stuff AKA Golch Central
gave me this award...


His dilemma is now mine.
I have to pass it along to 5 deserving people.
I can think of so many many more as well.

I have so many people here
who have truly watched over me.
I have good thoughts and vibes toward you,
and include you in my prayers.

Yes, I do.

so, for now....I thank you all

And I ask that you take this award
and pass it along to your angels.

My friend Marj passed along a greeting.
...a Christmas Card Gift of Gratitude!
Thanks for Your Support!

Marj aka Thriver
is someone who has taught me that

Thank you for your friendship.
Thank you for your example.
Thank you for your cheer!

I wrote this on my family blog yesterday:

The past few weeks have been full of painting, cleaning, new carpet, remodeling, FINALS for me, and Christmas preparation....and as I took my first bubble bath in the tub
Friday evening
I lay there with gratitude,
knowing that
my perfect.....for me.

My trials are perfect,
my pains are perfect,
my past is perfect,
my present is perfect.

And while none of these things have any element of perfection..
...they fit me just right.
They may not be the size I wish they were,
....who wouldn't want to be a PERFECT 2..

...however, they are just right for me,
cozy, pleasant, fitting.

My trials do FIT me. I don't always like the way they fit. I don't always feel comfortable going out in public with them. I sometimes wish I could have gotten my trials from a different store....the brand doesn't seem right for me.

Yet, I have faith that my trials are perfect for me.

...that I will grow into them.

...that I will someday see
the beauty in them.

...that I will be able to do
what I am meant to with them.

I have hope, and Peace,
...and sometimes I have them.

I feel to say that I am content,
...for now.

I know that the pain will rear its uglyness from time to time, but I have YOU all now.

I have you to walk with me,
and to remind me that
I have someone else
who walks with me....

I have my Savior.
Jesus Christ.

He loves me
and He loves you.

He said He would never leave us.
I believe He never has.

I know He lives.
I know He knows our pains.

He can not remove our trials from us,
but He has made us equal to them,
and He can strengthen
and comfort us in them.

At this time of year may you have JOY.
Remembering that JOY
comes from remembering JESUS first,
then OTHERS,
then YOURSELF!!!!!

see here what I mean:


Thank you for being those OTHERS
who care enough to be ANGELS to watch over,
....and to direct,
those of us who ache
and struggle and the helps that we need.

Thank you all for being the BEST YOU that you can be.

Thank you for being brave enough
to share your stories of pain
and trial and struggle,
and for being honest in sharing them.

You are all amazing people.

My hope is that you all have some PEACE, some JOY, some LOVE, and HAPPINESS in your lives this season and into the New Year.

May you all be CONTENT!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Because we need to be reminded...

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men...

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.



Thursday, December 10, 2009

Be of Good Cheer

What? Good Cheer....

Sometimes the holidays bring trepidation more than cheer.
I have been busy, active, engaged in much climbing out of my pit of despair and distress.

Last I wrote my oldest son and I were having conflict....more than that.
We were in distress, despair.
I was brought to humble knees,
the need to turn myself around from the inside out.

It has been a LONG haul the past couple of weeks, and today I am smiling.

I am of better cheer.....I am working on being of Good Cheer!

I read this today:

"The daily headlines rarely fail to deliver their heavy litany of bad news.
Staggering economies and job woes.
Terrorism and War.
Tsunamis and earthquakes.
Flu pandemics and health care worries.


Indeed, there is darkness about.

For many, getting through the day means
navigating an obstacle course of worry and dread.
Hope can seem a vague,
even unattainable concept.

Yet, even amidst the all too real troubles of the day,
hope exists.
Despite the din of cynicism,
a spirit of optimism can,
and is, sustaining the lives of many.

As I pondered these words I had a splendid thought.
The thought was that I do have a spirit of optimism.
I believe in Good Cheer.
I have HOPE.

A long time back....
my friend here, Steveroni,
nicknamed me Hope.
I have never forgotten that.

When I hear that word I attribute it to me.
My overcoming something tremendous,
with Hope ....that I can.

My cousin sweetly sent me a letter a while ago,
and with it she sent me an Angel, and angel of HOPE, it reminds me.

Yes....I am learning that
I am Hope.

I see Hope in my children,
in their future.
I have great Hope for my
relationship with my
lovely kind husband.

I have knowledge
that I have a future

I see Hope now in mine;

in the future that I choose to have.

I love this song....enjoy;
and be of Good Cheer,
actively engaged in doing Good Work,
and may you have peace this season,
with Hope for a brighter future,
full of healing,
and HOPE.

...our children are watching us

They put their trust in us
They're gonna be like us
So let's learn from our history
And do it differently

I hope
For love, joy and laughter

I hope
We'll have more than we'll ever need

I hope
We'll have more happy ever afters

I hope
We can all live more fearlessly

And we can lose all the pain and misery

I hope, I hope

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191