come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

ready to heal

I am caught in this turmoil of tears, anger, passion, fear.

I have to do something with what I know and have experienced.

But I don’t know what it is.

I have a dream. In my dream I am a strong person. I am trying to protect my children. There has been earthquakes in our city, I am trying to keep them safe, as the quakes get more and more magnitude. I finally feel the next one starting; I know that this is it, it will be over for us all.

Then I wake up and I am in an institution. I have dropped my basket.

Everything I was aiming for is gone and I have truly lost it this time.

My children come visit me, my husband can only cry when he looks at me. And all I feel is confused. Is this how it is suppose to end for me?

Am I eventually going to drown in the sorrow of my own fears?

Or is there a plan; a road map for me.

What is it I am supposed to do with all this?

I can’t hang on to it anymore. I am ready to heal.


cornnut32 said...

if you find out what you're supposed to do...and how...please let me know. i'm trying to find out too!

good luck. i'm sure you won't drop your basket. just keep working and praying and doing everything you can. it will all work out.

LADYBUG said...

When you ask for something to the universe, consider it done. YOU ARE HEALED. In your dream, the most important thing in life is your family, continue to dread in the past it only takes energy from your present and your present is family and love. YOU ARE HEALED.give yourself a gift: make a blog with the exact opposite of the closet, invite people to your family room. God bless you and family. i will continue reading you not matter where you invite your guests, its your decision.

Psych Client said...

I won't be much help today other than to say that you aren't dreaming, you are a strong woman :)

May I learn from you...

Colleen said...

I really like your last sentence - I am ready to heal. It is so difficult just getting to that point! And you are there!
We are on the journey. Not always an easy one. Blessings!

Cat said...

you are working things through in your own time - that is the only way this can be done.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191