Merry Christmas: Funnies

For an absolute laugh you have to go to Lulubelle's blog post titled:

I am pretty sure

this is how my family feels when I sing

I am laughing right out loud

and it feels so good,

it might even wake up my family

and we will begin Christmas Day.

Love, hugs, and Merry Christmas to you all.

my comment to lulubelle:
omgosh.
I just read the title of your post
and I am laughing right out loud

....i hope the kids don't wake up

...tonight as I layed by my son as he fell asleep,
I was singing to him

...he asked me if we could just listen to his ipod:

House of Pooh Corner....

such a kind way of saying:

Mom, please stop singing.

so funny.
I am going to blog this, and link to you...can't help myself!

Now, for my funnies from my family blog:

BLOG that! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Christmas Eve Day:

Elijah: Mom, since I can't find my
Christmas stocking this year
I'll just use this Winnie the Pooh one.

[first, i didn't know his was missing :( ,
second, sadly, and worse,
i didn't know he was longing for it...]

Me: We will go right up to the
attic and find it in the
extra Christmas decorations.


[third, i banned half the decorations this year, and my kids caught me boxing up
the ones we had put out a week ago. they called me GRINCH, and yes, I have been the grinch this year. I felt all green, with a heart too small, as I SHOVED those decorations BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.]

Elijah: (answering my solution to go find the sock),
No, that's not good.
I don't think we should
spend our time working on Christmas Eve.


[You would think it was Sunday, the way he said it.]
....him thinking....he continues:

WHAT, DADS WORKING TODAY!
.

..it wasn't a question.
It was a statement of pure disgust.

He is so hilarious. He stayed in his PJ's all day,
decided he would go to bed at 630 to have
Christmas come earlier!!!!! ☺


Christmas Eve Day "FUNNIES", take two:

The kids have been getting Santa Helper
gifts for the 12 days of Christmas.
Today was their 11th gift.
As they brought it in the house
they were all talking about how
COLD the package feels.

ME: There is no place as cold as the North Pole.

..well, except maybe my grinch heart...no, I didn't say thatjust thought it!

Elijah (again, and speaking very professor like): Except for Antarctica, it's pretty certain that it is colder there,in fact,scientifically it's probabilitymuch more colder.

BLOG THAT! (he, he, i did, and i got to it before Cece!)

Merry Christmas Everyone!

{the above links take you to my family

blog....please know i am trying to not

come out of my closet....there...

but i wanted to share another part of

me with you}

Merry Christmas....

...hope your holidays are filled with love and peace,
and moments that will become memories to last....
..and a few moments that are memories worth BLOGGING. ♥

Sunday Funnies - camel what?

My 9 year old came home asking what camel toe is.

I won't go into the WAY TO LONG explanation that my husband gave him, or the fact that my son has been asking for a month, and he has been putting it off; or the advice he was given at work on how to tell our son.

Also, you DON'T want to see the pictures he drew [quick explaination, they were all of animals feet, up to the camels foot/toe, and then a few of...well go ahead, imagine]!

...best yet, you don't want to visualize my husband pulling his pants up really high to give him an effective, my boys will never be the same, example of it.

At near the end of this fabulous lesson in words we wish our kids never had to understand, explained that camel toe is like a sign.

LIKE A SIGN?

Follow me:

He goes on to say, like the loser sign; is the L.

Which brings us to things our kids should never learn from us:


now my 7 year old pipes in: Oh, I know dad, you mean like when mom holds her three fingers up and says, "Read between the lines." You know how if you take away these two fingers it means......

Dad interrupting him: (how he can respond without busting up is beyond me), "Yes, exactly. And again, NOT one of the things that you should do just because OTHER PEOPLE (including your MOTHER) do it."

Sunday Funnies

So serious, since I use this for my healing I though that maybe part of what I write could be taken from my own lighter side.

I am trying to heal, and most of what I write sucks.
The Sunday Funnies are going to be my funnies.
Things that make me smile. I hope they make you smile a little too.

I always liked reading the funny pages growing up. I can't believe I have withheld that pleasure from my own kids by not getting the Sunday paper. Note to self: buy the Sunday paper, for the funnies♥

Here is my entry:

Picking kids up from school can be a pleasure. They talk, they listen, a little (they act like their listening, nodding their head appropriately to my ramblings, until I notice the little white cords in their ears. They are plugged into their own world, and politely smiling as if they hear everything. Why do we buy them I-tunes/pods; whatever.)

This is probably my funniest moment EVER, in picking up Henry.

I get to his school. He is hanging with a group of boys, the girls near by giggling. I am always thinking I wish that I could come in disguise and just watch, it is so cute. But I drive the MAV, four wheelin, sleek mommy vehicle.

Henry crosses the street.

[details will be important here]

he smiles, nods a bit of an acknowledgment in the direction of his peers.

stay cool, dude.

He gets into the car. From his smile I can tell he was enjoying whatever banter he happened to be engaged in only moments ago.

Still floating, he looks at me, suddenly the smile disappears. I wonder if I have spinach on my teeth, or something....has to be out of place.

He is looking at me like I really have a problem.

"What Henry?" I say.

"Nothing."

Me: How was your day?

[I start my drive South, toward the younger kids school.]


Him: pretty good.

And then the freaking out begins.

Him: AAAAUUUUUGGGGGG, I have dog poop on my shoe.

You would think a swarm of bees was attacking him.

Me, starting to laugh, and helping him to move backpack and coat away from the scene of the crime, while continuing to drive.

The SMELL, it is becoming unbearable.

BUT, Henry is still aware of his peers. I start to pull over. He is yelling at me, "NOT HERE MOM".

I immediately know why. The girls are just behind us, opposite side of the street.

"Henry, I HAVE to pull over, the smell is awful!"

"MOOOOOMMMMMM, please."

I pull over. He gets out, begins to wipe the poop off his shoe doing some kind of jig I have never seen. Wiping, gagging, [me laughing, rolling the windows down].

He is really having a horrible time. His shoes have tiny crevices.

I tell him to use some leafs. He is dancing, grabs some crunchy leaves.

DOESNT WORK, I tell him, "not those, use the green ones."

"MOM YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS"

"HENRY, I DIDN"T STEP IN IT."

Rolling down more windows. "Mom, not yours."
Oh, I see, hide me from the girls, who are now horizontal to the car.

Henry is still trying to wipe it on the grass. I can just see him falling in the poop that he has gotten off, so I slowly begin to drive forward. JUST A BIT, and really for his benefit. RIGHT, except I am laughing so hard because he is hopping to keep up with me, all while trying to hide this situation from the girl group.

He wants to know if I have any water. NO.

He wants to know if I have any baby wipes. again NO

I give him a straw, he starts to clean out each crevice.

Please mom, a rag, a napkin.

Not being fast food people I have no "extra" napkins in the car.

So he gets busy with the straw. WHERE IS MY CAMERA?

The Elementary kids begin to walk past, staring.

I say to him when a little guy comes past, "there's a shirt!" (Totally kidding, and actually if he had said it he would have been reprimanded, "be nice to the little kids.")

But me, I can't seem to help myself. Uncontrollable laughing, another kid comes by, "Hey Hen. Another shirt coming..."

Henry looks at me, looks at the kid, looks at his straw, which is now ready for (spit wad war just doesn't sound very nice, but pretty much that describes it.)

If I weren't laughing I would responsibly say, knock it off. But laughing doesn't help to enforce my wisdom and maturity as I try to say, don't, not cool buddy. He brings the straw up to his mouth. I just know what he is going to do as he eyes the little kid.

Instead of blowing, because he is desperately trying to survive this incident, he nearly sucks on the straw, yes the dog excrement weapon. His new weapon of choice, except that he forgot to blow. The look on his face is priceless.

Oh my, that was so close.
He is laughing, I am laughing, except that my floor mat is still stinking up my car.

After Henry gets control of the situation, himself, and the clean up, he plops in the car.
I give him the M and M bag to cover his shoe, seal it shut.

He looks at me and says. "I thought it was you."

WHAT???

"The smell." He says, "I thought it was you. I thought you farted."

Oh my little big Henry. Thank you.



Second to this, the M and M's that I poured out to bag up his shoe. He begins to throw them out the window. Yellow ones give you cancer, he says, plopping a blue on in his mouth.
"Henry, you remember that you just used those hands to clean up dog poop."

He smells them, plopps another blue one in, "Yep."

So, How was your day?

step in anything today?