i have been really irritated...angry
and likely very difficult to be around.
in fact i may need a caution cone to wear as a hat.
[i think i said that somewhere before.]
someone said...ahem, ....that making a dayS goal was not ideal...it is definitely a ONE day at a time process....
[you were right. enjoy the glory....i don't often admit to being wrong....boo :( ]
generally, in truth to my nature...
when i make such a bold statement
i end up doing the EXACT opposite.
[something i am learning about myself]
I don't think I do it on purpose,
it just seems I allow myself to be jinxed.
over confident maybe...???
when i make such a bold statement
i end up doing the EXACT opposite.
[something i am learning about myself]
I don't think I do it on purpose,
it just seems I allow myself to be jinxed.
over confident maybe...???
I can recall so many meetings with my bishop and other clergy saying WOW...I HAVE OVERCOME THIS...or THAT....and really feeling like I will NEVER be a problem for me again. We all have our challenges.
I feel the door hit me on the way out and I am immediately heading in the wrong direction, or at least headed down the road that I least expect....and most expect will find me stirring up trouble.
....arrrggghhhh WEAKNESS
ANyhoW, i am NOT being hard on myself....just recognizing that whatever it is I am dealing with and going through right now is REAL, and HARD, and MAXIMUM GROWTH POTENTIAL is right around the corner, ....i think. [i hope]
FACT: i have never experienced such ANGER.
RAGE....irrationality.
...it's insane, or maybe I am.
...it's insane, or maybe I am.
in general I am working on myself.
CHEERFUL IS A CHOICE!!!
CHEERFUL IS A CHOICE!!!
I am working on Step 4: TRUTH ...although I have NOT mastered step 1: honesty....or step 3: TRUST in GOD. I feel a little better with step 2: HOPE.
this MORAL INVENTORY is kicking my butt.....and i am CHOOSING to be a pain in the BUTT...poor people around me.
Anyhow....i blogged a pretty cool rhetoric regarding my recent GRADUATION...suCceSs....i accomplished an associates degree in the meantime!
I haven't completely quit!!! ...on me.
...just keep trying,
choose to be cheerful,
choose to recover,
choose!
this MORAL INVENTORY is kicking my butt.....and i am CHOOSING to be a pain in the BUTT...poor people around me.
The only step I am really good at is
step 13: REPEAT!!!
I have to be,
being I repeat the error of my ways so often.
step 13: REPEAT!!!
I have to be,
being I repeat the error of my ways so often.
Anyhow....i blogged a pretty cool rhetoric regarding my recent GRADUATION...suCceSs....i accomplished an associates degree in the meantime!
I haven't completely quit!!! ...on me.
...just keep trying,
choose to be cheerful,
choose to recover,
choose!
2 comments:
How I got sober--please read:
They asked me at that first meeting if I really wanted to STAY SOBER. I answered "No!"
So they told me to go drink some more and when I was 'ready'...to come back.
Now, WHENEVER I'm 'told' to do something
(even to this day!) I do the OPPOSITE. Since I was told to go drink, I did not. I stayed sober and went back the next week.
Many years later I STILL will not drink--because THAT is what they told me to do! END OF STORY
Of course, I
1. worked the steps
2. WITH a sponsor
3. PRAYED in my own words
4. became willing to become WILLING
5. to change
6. everything
7. make amends--through changing
8. show others what God did for me
9. ask them if they are willing
10. to do what I did
11. and share in the utter happiness
12. of living the AA way of life
Hey girl! Is this YOUR blog? Or MINE? Sorry for the long (blong?). But, ya know...maybe it will help someone.
Love you, Stacie, and pray for you. Yesss I do! Keep up the good work. Anger is a tough nut to crack--maybe give GOD a 'crack' at it--grin!
PEACE!
i can tend to do the opposite of what i'm told, as well. I think I've softened a bit as I've gotten a bit older but I hate being controlled. Even more than that is my dislike of labels. And sure, sometimes you can choose to be cheerful but i truly believe learning to be authentic is much more valuable!
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