when faced with challenges
we can get bitter
or we can get better.
---kristopher swinson
we can get bitter
or we can get better.
---kristopher swinson
i have a calendar in my room
stuck on this quote,
the month of last summer,
i haven't moved past it.
stuck on this quote,
the month of last summer,
i haven't moved past it.
it feels like i am still trying
to wrap my head around this thought.
to wrap my head around this thought.
for the last couple of months my husband
had written on the bathroom mirror a quote:
had written on the bathroom mirror a quote:
"We become
what we want to be
by consistently being
what we want to become
each day. "
what we want to be
by consistently being
what we want to become
each day. "
personally, I am pretty much focusing
on being bitter, and angry, ...irritable...
I rationalize being bitter and angry [and sad] ...
by bragging up my gratitude.
Certainly if I am so grateful for all the things that I am bitter and angry and irritable and IRRATIONAL about than I am RIGHT....RIGHT???
Anyhow, here I am this morning thinking about all these things.
I am a mess; a horrendous mess hidden behind a smile, a good deed done for another; alas, i am
I would rather be curled up in my closet with a bottle of jack.
on being bitter, and angry, ...irritable...
I rationalize being bitter and angry [and sad] ...
by bragging up my gratitude.
Certainly if I am so grateful for all the things that I am bitter and angry and irritable and IRRATIONAL about than I am RIGHT....RIGHT???
He erased the quote last week.
Anyhow, here I am this morning thinking about all these things.
I am a mess; a horrendous mess hidden behind a smile, a good deed done for another; alas, i am
a functioning disaster.
I would rather be curled up in my closet with a bottle of jack.
i bought the jack,
now i am just working up the nerve
to befriend it.
i know where this path leads.
why cant my temptation
be to plant flowers
and paint rainbows?
now i am just working up the nerve
to befriend it.
i know where this path leads.
why cant my temptation
be to plant flowers
and paint rainbows?
moving on:
family wedding tonight.
actually family wedding this morning.
i am not there.
it's a temple wedding,
they frown upon
showing up to those hungover.
no, i am not hungover,
but in my head i wish i was.
the sin is done in the mind, in the heart.
family wedding tonight.
actually family wedding this morning.
i am not there.
it's a temple wedding,
they frown upon
showing up to those hungover.
no, i am not hungover,
but in my head i wish i was.
the sin is done in the mind, in the heart.
i am pretty certain that beyond the life circumstances i am struggling with---...
that i have a physical hormone imbalance due to some tumor like growths [AGAIN :( ]
tumors like to mess with me from time to time.
thus reading/listening/talking to me should be done with caution right now.
this WILL pass, and when i have a rational thought again [PHEWWWW] ...i will look back upon this and not even recognize the person with these feelings.
that i have a physical hormone imbalance due to some tumor like growths [AGAIN :( ]
tumors like to mess with me from time to time.
thus reading/listening/talking to me should be done with caution right now.
this WILL pass, and when i have a rational thought again [PHEWWWW] ...i will look back upon this and not even recognize the person with these feelings.
in the meantime
the MEAN time, as those around me would
tell this cautionary tale...
I don't know what I feel,
I don't know why,
I have plenty of reasons to take a break for a bit
I have plenty of reasons not to.
I am extremely grateful for the abundance of blessing in my life.
I feel quite spoiled to be honest with you.
The past has plenty of things that frankly suck.
But mingled in with those moments of terror
are happiness and joy and laughter.
The moments of terror are my past,
not my today,
not my future.
I decide now....
and taking all that has happened recently
in stride
I will pull through this moment of darkness,
I just need to feel what I am feeling, in this moment.
when i let go of bitter,
will i be better?
the MEAN time, as those around me would
tell this cautionary tale...
I don't know what I feel,
I don't know why,
I have plenty of reasons to take a break for a bit
I have plenty of reasons not to.
I am extremely grateful for the abundance of blessing in my life.
I feel quite spoiled to be honest with you.
The past has plenty of things that frankly suck.
But mingled in with those moments of terror
are happiness and joy and laughter.
The moments of terror are my past,
not my today,
not my future.
I decide now....
and taking all that has happened recently
in stride
I will pull through this moment of darkness,
I just need to feel what I am feeling, in this moment.
when i let go of bitter,
will i be better?
11 comments:
Hey Stace.
Bitter or Better, I'm here!
Sometimes in order to be happy, I simply have to ACT happy. It works for me. Hint-I've been practicing!
PEACE!
Mile, I am so glad to see you once again! You put a smile on my face when I saw your last two comments to me, thank you.
Thank you for sharing on this post as well. Blessings and safe hugs always.
Mile,
This is so well expressed so well written. I would that I could hold you in a warm embrace and let you know that you are enough. I really appreciate that you are giving yourself time to feel your feelings. This is good.
xoxo,
Vicki
I came across your blog and I love it. You are so strong. I love the bitter vs better. It was exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks.
And if you want to, hop on over to my blog and check it out!
learningtosurvivesexualabuse.blogspot.com
Thanks!
-Lara
My dear Mile, continue on what you are doing, nobody by this time can tell you what to do, you are so smart, but God put us in this world to go through the test, persevere my friend, you will be the crown of life by the God almighty. Perseverence. read the book of James. love you. Hilda
(((Mile))))
Oh the struggle we all deal with to make a choice to be bitter or better...sometimes as cruel as it is we would rather hang onto the "bitter" than the promise of "sweet" as we find in forgiveness. I truly enjoyed reading your blog this morning. You have a new follower ....loved it!
Yes to your last question. Always a choice but also yes to needing to feel what you are feeling.
Will keep you in my prayers when I can pray again. ;)
Much love.
Hi ive just come across your blog and see what you have done. i want to talk to and you have inspired me so here goes
http://silentsurvivornomore.blogspot.com
im trying to post but not sure how and what to do or if i keep reapeating myself. im truly inspired by all of what you are doing to heal. im goning to try the same... so here goes
my blog is
http://silentsurvivornomore.blogspot.com
it's hard to let go of bitterness but I'm told that yes if you can you will feel better.
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