come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I am thankful....

Hey, I am feeling okay. Still not getting much done. I don't understand my physical and mental condition right now. I have the time, somewhat have the energy, yet every day I put off doing the things that I have the time and energy to do, and end up no better off the next day. Still need to be working on my bedroom. I got started and so now my living room is a mess of things from my bedroom. REALLY A MESS. I forgot that I had piano lessons for my kids today...yikes...we are so off schedule.

I am thankful for the sunshine today. We have had rain for so long.

I am thankful that my family is all safe. Some were caught up in the tornado's, I am so thankful that they are safe and healthy, and with a new baby in the mix of the severe weather.

I am thankful that my loved one is able to spend the summer with her daughter.

I am thankful that my kids are healthy, that my husband has a job, that I am able to hug and play with my children, they are delightful, forgiving, and so FUN.

I am thankful for the childlike innocence that allows them the protection from the problems that I suffer. They are amazing, and they are whole because of a Savior who comforts, protects, and keeps them from harm, and harmful effects that I could cause them with my healing process.

I am thankful we have food, and neighbors, and loved ones.

I am thankful for flowers, for brooms, for cleaning supplies, for date night, for socks, for covers at night, and books to read...

I am thankful for friendships that I have made here, and for your amazing strength and support, for your sharing your most intimate details that give me the strength to move forward with faith that we all can heal, we can move forward to a better place in our lives, leaving behind all that is yucky....

Here is the deal...I collect everything...I mean EVERYTHING. Heaven forbid I throw anything away, I would be ungrateful. Yet by keeping everyTHING, my things own me, they govern me, they suffocate me.

I have to be willing to part with my substance, simplify...realize what is most important and move forward with only those things....

Those things include...

my children
my husband
food and clothing....within necessary reason
books...a few...and share the rest
covers for sleeping...

cleaning supplies...

a few essentials that are for, jewelry...

and yet, only enough that I am not SUFFOCATED...

So, I am off again, to keep this in mind and CLEAN away....the past...

and in the meantime, let go of the past, the chapters in my story, my book,
are just that, read and to be strengthened in knowing that
an amazing person came out of all the tragedy,
the didn't break me...I will be healed,
I will be whole.


Just Be Real said...

Mile, this is a very encouraging post. Good to read all that you are thankful for. I appreciate you sharing your graditudes with us all. You are so much appreciated. Blessings and always, ((((safe hugs)))) and yes, you will be healed and you will be whole!

VICKI IN AZ said...

I love this so much!! I just love when you write! Isn't it the most amazing thing that something so important to us takes up no additional space. Blogging Rocks!!

Hey I had to smile when you said now your Living Room is a mess. How many times have I been here? You are right about how hard it is to give up things yet so necessary.
You are an inspiration, that list is going to be so helpful.

This dragging will pass, I know this for sure as it always does.

Saving Grace said...

Yes, in spite of the struggles, there is much to be thankful for...and that makes it all worth it, doesn't it - WE WIN! They lose! And you are truly an inspiration to me today...and thank you so much for your uplifting comments...
(hugs) ~ Grace

Anonymous said...

Hey Mile, Just stopping by to say hello. You sound really good, keep doing whatever it is you are doing girl! Nothing makes my ADD kick into high gear more than housework.LOL

Dawn-Marie said...

Hi, I just started a SOLE: Survivors of Life's Experiences Blog and I'm just spreading that word see more people know it's out there!

Paula said...

Please forgive me my limited English.
Like you I am a survivor of all what you have listed, however as long as I can remember I felt like an outsider. I am grateful for you having husbands and kids. I was afraid I would turn into a Mother like my own. Thought all Mothers are the same. I am glad you have such an support systeme. Your post is very encouraging showing it is possible to outgrow my Outisider - doom. All the best. Hug across the pond

Mama Zen said...

I love this!

Cristina C. Fender said...


I liked your post. It's always good to be thankful. It keeps us content in our lives.

Cristina (Bipolar Chica)

Cat said...

Something that helps me take days when I feel overwhelmed in baby steps - have a list and choose one thing on that list to get done. Then the next day choose anther one... at least that works for me.

Good to see you posting!

Prayer Girl said...

I am a "pack rat" and have such difficulty throwing anything away. This becomes more and more of a problem as you get older and older. I'm still trying to get a handle on the situation and begin to rid myself of things I don't need.

Good luck to you and me on simplifying.


who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191