come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Monday, September 20, 2010

a NOTE to you who know me!

i started writing a few years ago because i needed a safe place to share, to heal.
i never expected to have so many wonderful people join me in my closet.

thank you for being here.

for the most part it has been a healing safe place...

but I have something that needs to be said.
...i have felt safe to share this place with a few family members,
and a few people have found me here on their own.

of my readers there are a VERY few family members.

if you have been here with me it is because you were invited
and trusted with the most deep feelings that i have.

i am candid.
i am honest.
i am vulnerable.

my pleading has NEVER changed.
if you know me please don't talk about what i share here with anyone.
call me, write me, talk to me but please don't talk about me.

i am an open book, a bleeding heart, and if you call me friend i will be with you in the guts of your life and mine forever.
if you hurt me,
i will forgive you and we can move forward.
if you hurt my kids, watch out.

lately i have not felt that I can come here and write because what i share here has been fodder for some to use against me.

i am now asking that you please respect me enough to stop talking or to not read my blog if you are going to use it for our own entertainment or for your own empowerment with me.

if you are better than me than good for you!
i can and will cheer you on in your successes in life.

i just want peace.

i want to be happy and i want happiness for everyone i dearly love,
and that does means YOU!

i don't enjoy conflict, i don't look for it.
i admit i have made my own mistakes and
i really am working on fixing any errors that i have
ability to fix.

but this last chose...
and i have been picking up the pieces.

I am done with it and moving forward.
If you are with me great.
If not, then my best wishes.

all is well,
it will get better than this!!!
but for now,
this is as good as it gets,
and it is good enough for us!

i will be back to write. this has always been about healing, and i am on the cusp of healing from yet another abandonment, another abuse.
another painful experience in my life, a betrayal and a unimaginable confusing mess.

thank you to YOU who have wondered where I am,
your love and care has been so much appreciated.
thank you for respecting that I am choosing to not speak ill
of this situation.

This too will pass and I have chosen to rise above it.

I sleep, I cry, and I pray and I know that it will be the best thing for us all in the end.

btw: yes, my mom hurt me.

yes, i have struggled, and yes, been angry.
and sincerely I have forgiven her.
Even forgiven the most recent frustration.
She is aware of my feelings
and she is aware of her weaknesses, and her STRENGTHS.

And she is NOT the problem in my life.
No one is the PROBLEM...there are situations we all have to work through, with each other.
But you can only work out the ones that are willing.

i am willing.


Prayer Girl said...

God bless you Mile. I have missed you. I am so happy you stopped and commented on my blog. I can't imagine anyone in the blog world giving you grief, but heck, what do I know? I know what it is to be betrayed. It is grief beyond compare. Just know that I love you. I'll be here and I'm glad you are being strong.


PS - I'm with you - don't mess with my kids.

LADYBUG said...

My dear Mile, you know that I never forget you, I don't visit regularly but I have you in my thoughts. Thank you for stopping by, if my prayer spoke to you, it got to heaven because I never write anything just "to blog something today" I always put my heart in what we write- God bless you, for those insensitive people, just ignore them, they are still slaves of the chains of sin.

Just Be Real said...

Mile thank you for commenting on my blog. I have often thought about you dear one. May you find total peace one day. (((((Mile)))))

SapphireDreams said...

Hi Mile,
Stopped by to see how you were doing. I just want you to know that I do like reading your posts. I know you get something out of it or you wouldn't do it. Sorry to hear about your troubles with ppl talking. Hang in there.
I'm reading your blogs and here to support. I have been away for a while but am back now.
So hang in there. Sending you warm thoughts and safe hugs your way ((((mile))))

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191