come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

because someone cares

...when you read me and comment it makes my day...seriously.
because I know that what I have written is doing some good.

it was so hard to be open.

like pouring salt in old wounds...

wounds that would never heal...

which are slowly healing...

here, because someone cares.

I have a new reader,
who commented on a very old post

I asked her if I could use something from her blog

The Real Gal

Her post: Healing from the Inside Out/Brokenness really touched me.

Sometimes recovery is exhausting. Sometimes we feel like a raw nerve all the way down to the core of our being. You can't touch anything without causing pain. In times like this we see clearly that our healing must be from the inside out. Nothing superficial will be of any consequence. We need our 'inner being', our 'heart', to experience God's healing power.

This message has so much for me to reflect in right now. I understand what is says about being exhausting. I see it in my kids. They are worried and effected by my recovery process. I am sucking the life out of their childhood, trying to get over mine, which only furthers my process in healing. I suck at healing. I am certainly a closet person. I just hide everything away, and don't open the closet or drawers, or answer the phone, or the door. I just want to be hidden, safe, in the darkness.

I know the feeling of every touch causing pain. Suffering tremendously because of the past, and not knowing how to let go.

I do appreciate knowing so many of you through your writing. YOU are all amazing people, on the journey of healing. Thank you for being here with me. Please express what you feel when you are here. I return to you knowing you have been here, and appreciate each of your expressions, as part of my healing is through you.

as I said to her:
Please respond to any old posts that you feel to. I need to know that what I have written is helping others. Or it is in vain that I wrote it at all. YOU made me feel that it is worth the pain I went through to write.



The Real Gal said...

Amen sister!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am learning and continue to reflect on that we are all very special, even though it is and can be extremely hard to believe, but we were made for a purpose here! The main thing which insirped me to create my blog, "Just Be Real" is just that, God wants us to be real, not only with Him but with others. Sure, it may be easier to be real with God (in privacy), but to be real with our fellow human beings, that is the test. I commend you dear one for your honesty and sharing the pain that you have gone through and continue to struggle with. We are all in this together.
HAPPY ST. PATTYS to all too! Blessings!

Cat said...

I began writing as a way to get the stuff in my head out - to work through the pain and craziness and to learn how to live and be happy. I had no idea that writing would let me peek into other peoples heads and hearts, would allow me to see that I am not alone and that I am not so different and that I am in fact OK - in my imperfection. I never had any idea I would read people who I would find myself going back to read over again to find out updates on their lives...

I never knew I would be changed from the readings I took in on a regualr basis.

Lula said...

I enjoy coming here and sharing your healing journey with you. I appreciate your openness, and wish you nothing but the best.

SapphireDreams said...

Hi! Dont know what it is about your post but they feel so very real and much like I think. Sometimes I cant express what I feel until I read a post that someone else has made. Then my feelings and confusion sometimes all makes sense. Your thoughts, feelings, & posts do make a difference. Thank You!

Marj aka Thriver said...

Yeah, sometimes I just wanna go live in a cabin somewhere and be a hermit. Sometimes all I can think of that I want is peace, be left alone!

But, then I remember how hard it is for me--and all other survivors I've ever talked to--to feel like we're all alone in all of this. And I reach out through blogging. Thanks for posting this.

Shadow said...

a way of reaching out, of seeking help and of giving help. support. encouragement. to keep on going. to one day be able to say 'i made it...' i love you girlie! you are an inspiration.

Hope said...

I don't think you suck at healing.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191