CRUSH: freaking out and falling apart

i hate that i feel such a crushing weight of depression setting in.

i don't feel safe with myself.


i just want to scream and run and cry.

i have held everything in, i don't want to write or say things that admit that the smile i have been faking is fake. it sucks to think that i might hurt someone else by admitting that i am in such agony, and feeling so alone.

so i hold it in, and it only hurts me.....right?

the only safety is up high. and the only way to get there is what i have been avoiding more than admitting that this has gotten to hard for me.



the pain inside sucks. i promised myself that i wouldn't let myself feel this way. i promised that i would rise above what anyone else thought. i promised myself i would focus on the positive, and truthfully, there have been so many positives.


what is wrong is wrong within me, and is regardless of anything that i have faced during the past four weeks.


i cant seem to calm down, to catch my breath.

i feel selfish, and i feel hopeless.


i sit here, so alone; lonely in a crowd.

this feeling seems to be common for the abused, the abandoned, the neglected.




i cant seem to hold back the well of tears anymore.

i think i just need to spend some time crying.
and being alone is probably the best thing for me.

alone. in the dark. here in my closet.