i don't feel safe with myself.
i just want to scream and run and cry.
i have held everything in, i don't want to write or say things that admit that the smile i have been faking is fake. it sucks to think that i might hurt someone else by admitting that i am in such agony, and feeling so alone.
so i hold it in, and it only hurts me.....right?
the only safety is up high. and the only way to get there is what i have been avoiding more than admitting that this has gotten to hard for me.
the pain inside sucks. i promised myself that i wouldn't let myself feel this way. i promised that i would rise above what anyone else thought. i promised myself i would focus on the positive, and truthfully, there have been so many positives.
what is wrong is wrong within me, and is regardless of anything that i have faced during the past four weeks.
i cant seem to calm down, to catch my breath.
i feel selfish, and i feel hopeless.
i sit here, so alone; lonely in a crowd.
this feeling seems to be common for the abused, the abandoned, the neglected.
i cant seem to hold back the well of tears anymore.
i think i just need to spend some time crying.
and being alone is probably the best thing for me.
alone. in the dark. here in my closet.