lost and stolen things

my destination is up to me. i pray for strength to know what choices to make so that i find myself where He desires me to be.

i have been in the shower mid-washing my hair while the heat of the water soothes my aching neck and back i thought of a few things, so naturally i threw on my robe and here i am.

with you.


with friends i have never met, who seem to care and understand better than those who claim to love me most.


i have a huge decision to make today.
one that will test the very

foundation of my family as a unit.

i am losing my oldest son to a family member who has meddled and loved us from day one. however it is an unhealthy meddling that has been pointed out to me by multiple other family members who can see what i have seen all along but chosen to allow because of my love and compassion for people, for her. but at this point i feel that i have made a mistake and that i haven't considered what is in the best interest of my children and family, and that unfortunately have perpetuated the cycle of unhealthy mental and emotional abuse that has been years coming with this particular part of our family.


i LOVE this family member immensely. i have chosen to allow the interaction with our children to a point of chaos. and consequently the effects are long damaging for me, but more important for my children.

it was a simple event yesterday, but it was literally the straw that broke the camels back; and today, after hours of tears that have left my eyes swollen shut, my husband and i have decided that it is done. it is over.

we have got to make the move that is most important for the well-being of our children. and in the interest of the health of their childhood have come to some very difficult decisions.

i literally mean that we are on the cusp of action. action that will change forever the course of their childhood, and hopefully prevent or shorten the need for them to be in therapy as adults.

i feel so terrible that i have allowed this to go on for so long out of love and respect for this person. i love her dearly, but have continued to be concerned for the circumstance.

if we don't act now we will have more to regret.

the most frightening thing is that we may lose one of our children over this. he is too deep into the problem. i am not willingly losing him, but have the greatest hope that if we follow what we are inspired to do, and pray dearly, that he will come back to us.

FAMILIES ARE FOR PAIN AND TRIALS THAT WILL LEAD US TO THE DESTINATION THAT HE MOST DESIRES FOR US. I HAVE HOPE THAT WE WILL BE A fOReVEr fAMiLY! but it will only be by the grace of God and our willingness to do the very hardest things we have ever faced with courage that we will make it to that sacred and wonderful place.

please PRAY, and wish me STRENGTH and COURAGE to do what i feel is right at this time. and that the HURT that will be caused in the course of this action will be HEALED as we better come to understand His WILL for us in our lives, rather than our selfish will in the moment. i already hope that forgiveness and understanding and PEACE will come of this moment, this tremendously difficult and painful moment.