come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Thanks Everyone! ♥

I really loved doing the blog carnival, and coming home to your messages of support and love. Truly a great opportunity for me to get to know so many better and to see into your worlds. Thanks for the chance.



I am back!!! Yes, excited to be home, yet so melancholy.

I am struggling with just the blues a bit. Maybe vacation blues....maybe not.

I don't really know.

Kids start school again next week, so much to do ...so little time.

My computer is not working so I have to check in from the Library...not so private, and feels weird, the emotions are so strong and yet, I can not open up for fear of a flood, right here, right now.

I decided to just post a catch up....quickly, and then hopefully as school starts I will be able to have access to this world again more conveniently...I hope.


My husband asked last night...What is wrong? Am I depressed? I didn't really have a chance to answer. Two sweet boys begged me to snuggle them to sleep. I took the chance....

I woke up in the middle of the night and headed to my room. I was restless waking up today...

On my mind...What is wrong? Am I depressed?


well...I think the answer to that is I don't know.

I think so, maybe.



Something is going on, something I don't understand, cant seem to control, something WEIRD in my brain, my physical, emotional, mental being....is broken...again.


I wish I could write more....feels like the world is looking over my shoulder.


I thought that today I would write a letter to my B. He deserves to hear what is going on in my heart. my mind....

he needs to know it is not him.

I plan to write....maybe in my rhetorical dance I will too figure out what is going on with me.


Hope this finds you and yours well, and life moving at a pace that you are able to keep. I hope for you healing and peace. I hope for me too.

9 comments:

Prayer Girl said...

So glad to hear from you. I would hate having to do my blogging from the library. Hope your computer will be working before too long. Is it fixable?

The blues - hate them. I don't get blue too often these days, but I have had my fair share of those kinds of days in my lifetime.

Hope that passes soon.

Love and prayers Mile,
PG

Just Be Real said...

Oh so glad to see you again dear one. Pray all gets fixed in computer land for you!

((((safe hugs))))

Steve E. said...

With words resounding I agree that I and all are glad to see you have returned. I look forward to more of your sweet, spiritual postings, which let us know how you're feeling--and what you're doing about it.

good health to your family.

Blessings!

sarah said...

be gentle with you. Sarah

Lisa Marie said...

Take care of yourself as you are picking apart your thoughts. Glad you enjoyed your vacation!

VICKI IN AZ said...

All I can say is HI!!!
I hope the computer gets fixed fast, we have all missed you terribly.
Thinking of your sadness and wishing you faith hope courage and every good gift that you need to figure it all out.

Vicki

Shadow said...

nice to see you posting again. i too don't like those days when nothing is 'wrong' yet nothing feels 'right' either.... sleep on it. step back from it. it will soon become clear...

Alanis Rae said...

Really glad to see you!
Thinking of you... I hate those feelings, too. I'll be here listening as always. <3

Enola said...

Loved the carnival you hosted. Hope you will submit this month too. More info here - http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/08/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse.html

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.


this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.


mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.


please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.


this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.


Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥



What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191