come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

broken by his bruises

Having opened a wound I didn't think needed so much healing, I am still sore.

Don't read me wrong.

I don't believe that I will truly become my mother.
I know I won't hurt my children the way she did us.
I won't ever allow someone else to abuse them the way we were.

I know this.

My tears, the shedding of my past. The loss of innocence at such a young and tender age.

Nine years old. The beginning of him touching me, gently.
Yet a touch that RIPPED my world apart.

A touch that I can never enjoy. My body is conditioned. It is ruined.

broken by his bruises


Paula said...

Can relate totally, his ever so gently touch - at the begin. I was 7, my mother knew and still let it happened. I am not capable of holding any kind of meaningful relation. I am glad you have a husband being on your side.

Just Be Real said...


So very sorry Mile and I am right there with you all....

Saving Grace said...

I have no words right now, but I am reading and crying with you

Mike Golch said...

Mile,this is a great posting.I am now following you.I enjoy blogs of recovery.I also share blog of recovery on my site as well,leave me a message on my blog if YOU want to be added to it.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191