aLONe agAiN...and PLeAsE dO nOT eXCusE

Today feels like this...for me:

Link here
to hear the original version
of Gilbert O' Sullivan
singing Alone Again, Naturally

In a little while from now

If I'm not feeling any less sour

I promise myself to treat myself

And visit a nearby tower

And climbing to the top will throw myself off

In an effort to make it clear to

whoever



what it's like when you're shattered



Left standing in the lurch at a church

Where people saying:

"My God, that's tough

She's stood him up"



No point in us remaining



We may as well go home

As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally


To think that only yesterday

I was cheerful, bright and gay



Looking forward to well

wouldn't do

The role I was about to play

But as if to knock me down

Reality came around

And without so much, as a mere touch

Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt


Talk about God and His mercy


Or if He really does exist


WHY did He desert me
in my hour of need...




I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally


It seems to me that there are more hearts

broken in the world
that can't be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? What do we do?


Alone again, naturally

Now looking back over the years

And whatever else that appears



I remember I cried when my father died

Never wishing to hide the tears


And at sixty-five years old

My mother,
God rest her soul,

Couldn't understand why the only man


She had ever loved had been taken



Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken


Despite encouragement from me

No words were ever spoken


And when she passed away

I cried and cried all day

Alone again, naturally

Alone again, naturally

i suppose that takes some explaining...and all i can say is this:

i was up early...my friday, our friday, at the end of a long week and the crest of another LONG week to come. with seconds to spare, and here i am...in my closet.

i did my chores, and the chores that were left behind by the kids this morning....and wrestling them all into their morning routines,

into the car and ...off to school...

not without tears...

oh, i have had many many tears this morning...

In a little while from now

If I'm not feeling any less sour

i have cried this morning too many times to count...

i cried when i saw the dishes in the sink,
i cried when i saw the dust on my piano,
i cried when my son was still in his pajama
doing homework 5 minutes after we needed to leave,

i cried when my daughter made me toast,
while i was vacuuming...

why does she had to do that?

i know she is trying to be good to me,
but that reminds me of another song...
a song that reminds me of fixing my moms tears...

.I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that
time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried
I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream
I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand
through all of these years
But you still have
All of me.

i cried when my Mr. B told me he was taking the day off
to help me....with my busy day...

why do i have to be so broken...somedays.

To think that only yesterday

I was cheerful, bright and gay...


i was...yesterday i was happy, and pleasant,
and i didn't say the cutting mean things i said today...

i didn't make my kids feel like THEY had broken me,
yesterday...


but today...i don't know what i said,
i don't remember the words,
but i will never forget the look on their faces,
the hurt in their eyes...their slumped shoulders
as they walked through the doors to school.

...oh, how my words cut and broke them...

i didn't break the cycle of abuse today,
i broke their poor tender once innocent hearts.

But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much, as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me in my hour of need

with days like today...what will my daughter say about me:

Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

we get to school, me with them,

my kids are kissing me goodbye,
'mom, i love you...i'm sorry...
don't be mad at me'

why do they have to apologize?


it is not their fault i am broken,

but they think it is...


its not their fault i broke today,

but i made them think it was.

my youngest went to get out of the car.
i took a good look,
and there in the wonder of his eyes
he pleaded,
'mommy, don't be sad'

i didn't even answer,
my cold shield held back the
offer to be loved,
and to love.

instead,
i noticed he had no coat,

and it is snowing,

its is as cold outside
as i am inside

no coat,
no undershirt,

and now i have to run him home,
and back to school... and he is late.

and i don't have
TIME or PATIENCE or ENERGY
today for this mistake

please do not excuse little j,
for being late to school.
he left without a coat,
and he is old enough to know
what he is responsible for
in getting ready for school.

i have taught him well,
he has no rhyme,
no reason,
no EXCUSE.


my breaking today...is no eXCusE.

.And climbing to the top will throw myself off.

.It seems to me that there are more hearts

broken in the world that can't be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? What do we do?


Alone again, naturally.

In an effort to make it clear to whoever


what it's like when you're shattered.


oh, i really don't know.
what comes tomorrow,
of my mistakes today.

how long until
they wont
ask me anymore
or tell me
or forgive me....

and i don't blame them, PleAsE dO nOT eXCusE.