come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

pain knitted in healing

Rhonda's grandmother told her:

Don't you say a thing to ruin him.

So I am wondering....

Why is it always about protecting the family member that needs castration?
Why can't those who are suppose to love and care and protect have the instincts to do such?
I am just wondering...

Zan wrote:
I guess it is time, to sit down and have that cry. Cry for my sister and the pain she is in. But also accept there is nothing I can do. I do not hold the key. She does. I hold the key to my own problems, my own issues, my own pain. She has a separate key. They may both lead to similar memories and feelings but they are not identical, they are separate.

So I am wondering...

There is so much similarity in our pains, and yet we are so individual at the same time. We are here for each other, and some things feel familiar, and yet, we have a key to our own healing. A key within us. I have a key. I am sure it is there, ...I am still searching.

I always think that somehow I can love enough, care enough, protect enough; to heal the pains of those around me. But that doesn't make sense now, with what I expected from those who were suppose to love and care and protect me.

If I didn't feel it, does anyone around me feel it from me?

Is what I am doing enough?
And if I can't find my own key, am I doing any one else any good?

I am just wondering...

VICKI IN AZ gave me this:

Well she didn't just give it to me. She gave the offering to all of us and I watched it and listened today. With my heart and with my mind and soul. I have heard it before, but today it etched something in me that I needed. I suppose being broken; being open, I was able today to feel the balm of healing, an offering that Broken is Better.

And that with what is broken I can become....

thank you friend

Yes, I am wondering...and reaching.

Yes, I am trying to heal.

Break of day heals night....

I sit here in the break of my day....reading and searching...finding morsels of peace; in prayer, in scripture, in your words; words of wisdom, of healing, of pleading for peace.

Yes, Peace.
The light of the day,
that chases away the nightmares,
the night terrors,
the darkness.

There is light peaking in my closet.

Broken souls that needs His mending....

...this broken soul that cries for mending...

Could it be that God loves broken things?

...i am wondering if that means me?


Zan said...

I have a favourite saying, not quite sure where it comes from or who said it.. "A broken clock is always right twice a day".

I think there is a lot of beauty in brokeness. I think there is a lot of truth in brokeness.
I don't know if we can ever be whole. But I do think we can mend the pieces, put them in a velvet box and carry them with us with a lot of love.

Keep up the fight!


Rhonda said...

I totally agree with Zan. I believe that those of us that are broken have a glow to us that others do not understand. It's not a glow that we would ever volunteer to receive again in our lifetime, but one of strength, courage and determination. God makes beauty from ashes, He IS making beauty within each and every one of us.

I don't understand why we've been sent down the path that we have. I'm not sure I'll ever understand why my life was detoured this way.

I do know that I am blessed and thankful for the connections I have made through blogging. Others don't understand why I put it all out there for strangers to read, but to me, they are not strangers. They are the only true family that understands and supports me in my journey of healing and discovery.

Hope you have a beautiful day my friend! Hugs to you!! :o)

Lily said...

Of course it means you! Those that are broken are often easier to find. I know being so attuned to myself now I can look around and see people who appear to be in the same boat; masking the pain with a smile on their face.

God sees through us all and loves us all, broken pieces and everything.

Prayer Girl said...

Of course God loves broken things. He loves them so much He sent His only son to save us.

And we are all broken in one way or another and some more than others.



Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Seems part of Gods plan is to put us back together again we who even admit that we are broken. Blessings Mile!

Paula said...

I agree with Rhonda and Zan. Their is so much beauty in this brokenness, so much energy others have no idea of( shall not sound arrogant) an energy we need to make it through teh days, to keep fighting the dark, to turn into survivors, into winners. Winners with a voice. We always will carry the scars. I remember an Amrican ssaying: turn your scars into stars. I am working on it, I believe there will be remains of this past forver as long as I accept this and care for myself, applying my tools, I will leave the best life I can. My issues havent changed, my approach has. Try to turn my scars into stars. Soemone said to me: it works if you work it. Safe hug across the pond

VICKI IN AZ said...

You are such a tender and precious friend. I am so happy that we all have each other.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

April_optimist said...

God loves us all. Part of our humanness is trying to find out way--whether we were traumatized as children or not. That search is one of the things that connects us all. ((((((Hugs)))))

外太空 said...


Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

You're a beautiful light in this road! Thank you!!!!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191