i fear
i fear that i will never be able to kiss my husband with my eyes closed
i fear that i will never be able to share the things that are on my mind and in my heart
i fear that sharing will make me more vulnerable
i fear that i will stop breathing from the pain
i fear that i will never know who i could have been without the abuse
i fear that i will never know who i am because of the abuse
i fear that i will never recognize the strength everyone seems to see in me
i fear that i will drown in my own flood of tears
i fear that i will ruin my babies because i am so sad, so scared, so destroyed, so BROKEN
come into my closet...
come into my closet,
come under my bed,
where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.
abuse in the past,
now, where do i start,
making my future,
healing my heart.
crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.
who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...
i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.
this is my story.
i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.
mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.
please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.
this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.
Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller
Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington
When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris
Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans
Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks CORNUT32! ♥
What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.
I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.
Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191
6 comments:
Making a list of fears gives you an idea of what you are facing, and how you might approach your fears in the future. Fear hides itself in anger and frustration. Fear is defeated by Faith... I pray that you will be blessed by the strength to overcome fear. I have been there (and I still am in some matters), it's a difficult road. Take baby steps, one step at a time, and eventually you will see the light of hope. God bless you, Mile.
This is so poignant and expressive. There does seem to be a lot of fear going around...like the H1N1!
I hope some of the fear alleviates for you soon.
~ Grace
this is amazingly written. Your heart speaks - in simple words - I hear - Sarah
(((((Mile))))
I do not know where my head is at today. Your post touched me. Thank you. Blessings.
There was a time I could have written your post. Big (((((hugs))))). Hang in there. There is joy on the other side of healing. It's just that going through the healing process can be so painful. I do believe that things only surface when we are ready to deal with them.
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