come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Monday, May 11, 2009

black. black bile: in medieval times considered to be one of the four humors of the body, to come from the spleen or kidneys, and to cause gloominess, irritability, or depression. the condition of having, or the disorder supposed to result from having, too much black bile. sadness and depression of spirits. a tendency to be sad, gloomy, or depressed, sad, sober musing, pensiveness.

I am pretty sure that I have mentioned in the past that I love words. I
find even more pleasure in understanding words and where they come from, and where they are going...

That said, today the word that I thought described me well was melancholy. I decided to look it up. My understanding of my feelings is enough sometimes to spear me in a better direction.

I feel melancholy.


I don't really know. The weather is taking a turn for the better, the flowers are blooming, the breeze blows the sweetness of blossoms from the trees in the back, and down the street. The dandelions [a favorite of mine] are fully blooming.

I am blessed.

I know that I am.

I have much to be grateful for,
and little to be melancholy about.

That is unless you take in to account my nature.

My nature to care for others, to have deep concern, and worry, and trepidation at the thought of suffering. Not my suffering, but that of those around me, and strangers in my midst. I worry. I fret, I cause myself great anxiety over things that I can do nothing about.

Nothing, that is, besides pray. I can pray, I can have HOPE, I can have faith.

Today, I am melancholy about a lot of things.

Today, I will spend more time in prayer, and contemplation.

Today, I will recognize the blessings that depend on me, and I will put aside my melancholy, lest it be considered depression again, and I will do unto others in all the ways that I can.

Today, I hope for each of you that all is well with you. That you are not alone, that you have the help and support that you need.

If you are here, you have my support.

I have been away again for a bit, but I am back. I have missed much of what is going on with each of you; readers, bloggers, friends. I hope to step into your world again, and find a way to lift and be with you on your journeys to heal. Thanks for being here on mine.


Just Be Real said...

Oh Mile, so glad that you alerted me to your return! I truly do miss you when you do not post! Wow, see how the Holy Spirit has led you to write about melancholy and then what I shared today on my blog. Thank you for sharing this post. It is very positive and I am glad you shared it with us all. Blessings, as always dear one!

Cat said...

Maybe it is going around then and soon the light will enter into us again.

SapphireDreams said...

Hi! I am glad that you are back. You always do have a way with your words. They can touch someone thousands of miles away somehow. Thanks for your inspiration and thoughts. Keep your head up.... Im here for you too.

Prayer Girl said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog.

I blogged on grateful memories.
I may sometime blog on "making grateful memories".

I can set out to create a memory that will later give me pleasure and remind me of love.

Give this some thought and it may lead to lifting the melancholy you feel now.

Also, remember that feelings do not have to be logical or make sense. In fact, they usually don't. They just "are". Recognize, accept them - then move on.

Love you and prayers,
Prayer Girl

Saving Grace said...

Thank you for your kind words on my post. Your hope and courage...I see it in you, and it is 'real'...and I thank you for that. Take care of you... ~Grace

Steve E. said...

"You betchum, Red Ryder" were the words "Li'l Injun" used to say to his cowboy riding companion.

When I'm melancholy, it is one of two reasons. Either people around me are not behaving (towards ME) like I think they should--OR--maybe *I* have not been behaving as I should (guilt?).

There IS a third reason for the "mels" and that is if I delve too deeply into the past. I don't mean too FAR, more like if I DWELL on certain issues which are never to be resolved. So the slogan for me today is: LET GO AND LET GOD! Mile, I'm serious here, I HAVE to think like that sometimes, or I will be in deep mental crap. Soooo,
the choice is mine!

Love from us in Naples FL,
Steve E

Eli said...

I identify with being overly affected by the feelings of others around me. For me, it takes an ongoing conscious decision to focus on my own well-being. Then I can intentionally choose to care for others. I know that sounds circular, but there's a big difference between involuntarily worrying about everybody else, and having empathy on purpose.

Congratulations on your son's baptism!

VICKI IN AZ said...

You are such a lifter Mile.
Be sure to Lift where you Stand!!
Lift up yourself.
See Elder Ucdorf's talk from Priesthood session either April or last Oct. Lift Where You Stand.
You are that Person!!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191