come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

naked


click on the picture to take
you to the video....cant be embedded
Not Ready to Make Nice
lyrics below

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'
It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Sayin' that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

WHY NAKED???

well, for me right now i feel that my soul is naked. i am baring it to you, it is creeping and eeping out of me every moment.

last night was date night...

we had some issues come up with our children, things that hurt them...
...not things they did, but things done to them, pain inflicted upon them by trusted adults; an aunt, a teacher....maybe i am sharing too much...


Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

why....forgive....that is so easy to say

forget....that takes so much....

how much time.....why the waiting....

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying



It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate...


Life brings so much that we each have to suffer. So many trials, so many issues, so many emotions, so many feelings of inadequacy, so many consequences, so.....WHY, why do we instigate hate in our world....



I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting...

5 comments:

Alanis Rae said...

I hear you, I really do.

Not Ready to Make Nice has been one of my favorite songs for a long time... I think I'm going to post the lyrics as well. They're pretty fitting for me at the moment, too.

Thank you so much for leaving a few words on my blog, by the way, it's reassuring to know you're reading.

Safe hugs. <3

Prayer Girl said...

Sometimes I think it is harder to forgive the hurt done to my children than it is what is done to me.

Over the years, I have gotten a better perspective on myself and can usually forgive what is done to me. Why? Because it is my soul that suffers when I refuse to forgive.

My children - much more difficult. Still, it is my soul that suffers lack of forgiveness. AND my children have a life path they must follow - I can't follow it for them.

I can be a shining light to guide them, a role model for them to follow, and they can see that I can be troubled yet move through things with God's help.

Please remember as I do that a drink never made anything better - always worse. The idea of escape that way is an illusion.

Prayer is the best remedy.

Love and prayers to you Mile,
Prayer Girl

VICKI IN AZ said...

Great Song Can't say enough about the help that song brought through stages of healing.

I have a question for you... I have a blog which all of my children read from time to time.
I want to blog more about my healing process, I am struggling with depression right now, I am very real on my blog but I censor because I have teenagers who read my blog.
Do you think I should start another blog in addition? I really would appreciate your opinion.

mile191 said...

Alanis Rae, Prayer Girl: Thanks, for always being here, for your kind comments, and support in all that I am feeling and dealing with. Hugs to you both.

Vicki in AZ, you asked about blogging about depression. I think that if your kids read your blog that you should be a little careful about being too open. Kids don't understand things the way we do, or the way we think they do. They grow up, don't always ask questions, and make simple assumptions about what they hear and read, and see in their parents. I think that writing a little is okay, because they need to know that we are human. But think about them as adults someday. Yes, they need to know that we hurt and struggled, it will help them, but keep the information simple, and delight in them and their childhood on your family blog. That is so important to them.

Then, as I have here, start yourself a blog that is for you only. I opened an email with ymail, through yahoo, and start a blog where you can write and be really honest about your feelings, and raw. This healing place is so helpful for me. To write my feelings and to be able to vent, and have support. I resolve so much through friendships here, these people have become a second family to me. You are all so wonderful and supportive, and lift me above my burdensome feelings.

I say, write away, just do it in a place where you can be honest, open and where your children wont struggle internally with what they are reading. I gave you the link to my family blog in a post....I have mentioned hard times that I am having there as well, but not like I write here. This place feels safe to me. It feels like a home away from home, where I can breakdown, be in my darkness, and yet I find light, in friendships, in support, in love, and hope and faith that I can heal.
I have a long way to go, but I know I will make it.

I am beginning to believe that YES, I will make it.

What you wrote in your blog about depression. I could have written that. THose feelings are so real, and so difficult to deal with.

Hugs to you. I hope that you get a chance to read this. Let me know, if I don't hear from you about this I will post it more publicly in a post so that you know that I am here, to hear you. Hugs, safe hugs, and healing to come your way, I hope.

If you start a blog, let me know.

Reach out to the people here who reach out to me, they are all really wonderful, and supportive.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. You are so kind and insightful. I love that you have the private blog and feel honored that I was able to find it. I found it on cornuts blog. It is such a relief to find those who write so honestly.

I just have felt so inhibited about writing many of the feelings in my heart on my first blog because they all read it from time to time and love to find themselves on there. I have always been one who feels that my journey of healing and what I went through as a child is not their burden. That is the whole reason I have spent all of these years breaking chains working hard and doing my best to keep them safe at least from what I can.
Sometimes all it takes is to acknowledge how depressed I am feeling to be able to accept it and know that I will survive, and that I have help.
Thank you again for your support.
You don't know what it meant to me to see that you had put me on your blog roll.
I will start that new blog and I will let you know about it.
I hope your day is a lovely one.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.


this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.


mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.


please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.


this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.


Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥



What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191