come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, May 29, 2009


something about the number seven haunts me today....

seven months since my grandmother passed away...

seven years since....

seven...the number of children i should have had...

seven is the song number on my play list....dont... the song that
has a haunting hurtful message

seven was the age i was when i was last innocent...

talk about a drought.. and a flood. tears, emotions, finally emerging.

and here i am, again dumping....the hurt pain. the anger, the grieving...

[okay, i left for a bit....visiting others...Eli wrote this about grief:

Of course we'd also hit the basics.
The five stages of grief
– denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

It's funny how you can hear this stuff over and over, think you're so emotionally intelligent, and then completely miss what's going on in your own life. Until your therapist points it out. So part of recovery is facing the grief of loss, even when the losing is intentional, as in letting go of your addictions and the people who've dragged you down.

This helped me. Thanks.


Just Be Real said...

Dear one, I tell ya, those T. can pinpoint many things we Just Cannot See! Glad you have a good one that can do this! Thank you for sharing your struggle today and I am glad it helped to write it out. Blessings and safe hugs....

Scarlet said...

Just to let you know I stopped by.

Hugs for you

Cat said...

healing of the heart seems to come in waves that ebb and flow... it takes time and then when you think you are at your best the memories bring it all up and back again...

VICKI IN AZ said...

I really enjoyed this post.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191