come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

comment ranting

does anyone else do this, rant frustrations on others posts while commenting. i am just wondering if i am the only one who does this; rant commenting on a fellow bloggers post (see below).

me, all me: (responding to her post and to being judged as a parent for how we parent, which by the way is certainly different when you have an abusive past)

oh my. many times [i have been judged]. i usually end of hurting my kids because i feel like i have something to prove. i hate that feeling, being judged. then later i get angry and i am sure that hurts my kids too, because the thing that i wanted most was to pull them in, cuddle, snuggle, listen and protect them.

boy, have i been there, actually this weekend. i am letting my daughter read the twilight book, my daughter is 11. yes, she is young, but she loves reading. and i feel that she is reading it with an 11 year old mind. not the mind of an adult woman, who will put more life experience into the reading.

my best friend immediately calls me upon hearing the news and rips me one about my parenting choice. i felt so beaten up. worse, she did it in front of my daughter who was with her. then she said i should reconsider and take the book away from her.

i have never been one to like book burners.

so i sit here, stunned. i can't believe that she has done this to me with my daughter right there.

she says, well if you are going to let her i better not hear about her talking about the book with my daughter.

okay. so i was suppose to have a girls night out Saturday, with her. i obviously don't want to go now, and hear about it all night.

twenty seconds later, i am not kidding you. her friend calls me to tell me that she is not letting her daughter read it and that i shouldn't be either. this friend was also part of the girls night out group.

so i stayed home.

this morning as my niece is dropped off i hear her and my daughter talking about twilight.

i get mad at my daughter. and telling her not to talk about it with her cousin. i know the shit will hit the fan with my sister, my best friend (adopted sister).

my daughter is puzzled at my anger. mommy, I wasn't talking to her about it. she was talking to me...

SHE SAW THE MOVIE SATURDAY NIGHT, when i was suppose to go girls night out. my sisters kid saw the MOVIE, after ripping me about letting my daughter read the book.

i want to cuss and blame it on my personality disorder, turretts, whatever.

i am so&%^%#%#%%&*((##@* ....calm down.... what i am is hurt.

what is wrong with me?

sorry for the rambling. i guess i could have just posted. but thanks for being there. so i could vent my frustration.

take care. sorry things arent going great. i am here.

yes, thanks blog friends, for being there and being real. i am here.


Broken Child said...

When it comes to parenting, I think all you can do is what you think is best for your kid. If other parents don't respect that then they're being immature. Who are they to tell you what your daughter should be allowed to do? You know her better than anyone. It amazes me sometimes how those so called "normal" people can act so immature and sit in judgement of us and then do something that totally contradicts what they said.

Bottom line, if you think your daughter is mature enough to read that book, then let her. Maybe you could read it together and discuss it, in case she doesn't understand something. And don't worry about what all the other mom's are doing. They're going to find something else to complain about in a day or's just like high school.

Anonymous said...

I have ranted like that many times in comments on other people's blogs. I end up looking at it when I am done and blushing. haha YOU parent the way you want. I was always told how I should raise my oldest, since I was a male and a single parent. I raised her alone from birth, it was hard but SO rewarding. I say you raise her the way YOU want and to hell with what anyone else thinks. They don't live your life, they aren't you or your daughter. I just think people need to keep their noses in their own business. *hug*

Psych Client said...

Hi Mile, no I do not judge others. The thing to know about blog posts is we are writing from our emotions and often the complete context is missing.

Take my posts for example, if people read about my emotions about my T, one might develop a negative impression and say dump him right now.

He is the best person to come along in my life. He's helped me tremendously...but therapy creates anxiety and pain...I end up directing at him too often.

I'm just not the type to judge. I'd rather extend my hand and hope the other person will take it.

Hope you are okay today.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191