come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, February 27, 2009


"Looking at vegetable life, we see plants that grow in darkness. They are pale; they possess not the beauty of those that grow in open sunlight. When I was a youth, I remember being sent into the cellar late in the spring to sprout some potatoes. Every sprout was reaching out for that ray of sunlight that came through a little aperture!

And yet we go through life and see God's highest creation, man, turning his back on the light, and not as the potato sprout struggling therefore.

I wonder if we are magnifying our calling and are growing toward the light in a desire to be warmed by Christ's love? I wonder if we know just who we are? If we do, let us be obedient unto every commandment of the Lord our Father.

- Walter P. Monson, "Conference Report," April 1917, Outdoor Meeting, p.103

This thought is quite interesting to me today. I have felt myself in such darkness, and yet in darkness there is purpose.

In darkness we sprout and grow, and for some things and people the best they are is grown in darkness.

I think we each go through our experiences thinking that we are to become one perfect thing, that perfect thing is always out of our reach because we are trying to become what we see as perfect in others, not what we are to become ourselves.

We think because we see others doing something really well, that is the only way to do it. We think because our religion leads us in one direction that is THE ONLY WAY. But I am coming to understand the compassion of a loving Heavenly Father.

I am perfect in the way he created me. With my ability to love people, all people, and accept others come what may. I have come to this out of desperation to be loved myself, to be accepted myself.

Through my own darkness, depression, addictions, abuse, I have become me. A perfect ME, not because I am like everyone or anyone around me, but because I know that being me is enough.

I am discouraged everyday as I don't feel myself doing all that I should be, or all that I could be doing. I fail in so many ways.

I don't always do the chores I should, or have the patience I could. But I keep trying, and I am happy to just be me, whoever I am that day.

I am the first person to point out my faults, problem is picking just one of them to point out. And the real problem is that I shouldn't be doing that in the first place.

Grow where you are planted. We all need potatoes, they grow best in the dark. They are sufficient for their purpose, and they are needed for our nutrition. Wherever you are GROW, and be happy to be what you are.

Even if you feel like you are just a potato.

The quote in this talk was given almost a hundred years ago, but it's teachings are as applicable to how we feel today. My grandfather shared another talk with me and something in it has struck my chords in ways that have helped me to feel a little better in my journey to find hope and healing.

The talk was on tape and the writer was speaking about a potential conversation with the Lord.

The conversation went that the gentleman was talking to the Lord about what he had done in his life and the Lord said every time, "did you try", he said in response, "I tried...but I failed. I was only able to do this much..."

The Lord said, "I don't remember that part."

He is such a kind forgiving Lord. I believe that he loves us unconditionally.

That he gave us light and darkness, wisdom and weakness.

He wants us to grow, and GROWTH HURTS. It is not the easy times in life that we grow. It is the hardest experiences we have that we learn the most.

Please love each other. Accept each other. We are all in this thing called life together. No one is doing any better than the other person for we all have things we struggle with. We have loved ones around us who are struggling and we have to STOP going on about ourselves ignoring the ones we love because of our fears.

Walter Monson as a youth was sent to the potato celler. It was there that he learned that even potatoes in darkness reach for the light. But we know that without the darkness we wouldn't have the sweet and essential nutrition of potatoes. We need them.

We need each other. Be a potato for someone in your life. Find a way to reach with them in their darkness, or in yours. The is a bit of light there.

Spring is coming. Hang in there. Love and hugs to you all.
"I wonder if we are magnifying our calling and are growing toward the light in a desire to be warmed by Christ's love? I wonder if we know just who we are? If we do, let us be obedient unto every commandment of the Lord our Father."

...and the greatest commandment of all is to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.


LeShel said...

i love potatoes

Prayer Girl said...

If it weren't for darkness we wouldn't know we were in the light.

Without difficulties, we would not know when we were experiencing peace.

We are imperfect and live in an imperfect world, God loves us just as we are.

Welcome to the world - it's light and peace.

Thanks for the post.

Cat said...

Spring hurry it up I say - and I am sweet on potatoes as well - the past few weeks have been hard - I have felt in the dark more often than not but falling back on my program and reminding myself I am enough as you so eloquently put it here has helped me so much.

I have missed reading you and am glad that this post was the first one of yourse I got when I came here today.



LarryG said...

I will ponder this sentence, "I am discouraged everyday as I don't feel myself doing all that I should be, or all that I could be doing. I fail in so many ways."
Consider how much God loves you, and this internal pressure may be reduced.

Shadow said...

i have NEVER thought of needing darkness in order to grow. thank you so much, dear girl!

April_optimist said...

I love this post. Yes we are each meant to be who WE are meant to be--not who someone else is. As for the darkness, I think we hide in darkness when we're afraid the light will burn or show up our flaws rather than nourish us. But of course Divine love is unconditional and always there if we let ourselves feel it.

steveroni said...

"Love one another"...ya know, I've heard that line all my life. There must be something there that I've missed. Always thought of love as sort of a passive type of activity. But it is truly an ACTION word, like Gratitude...maybe THAT's the key!!!
Great blogger you are, Mile.
Steve E.

Kim said...

What a great post, thanks! Parts of this really, REALLY spoke to me and where I am in my journey right now.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Grow where you are planted...even if you are just a potato. I LOVE it! This is weird, actually, I just wrote a poem that talks about sprouts and saplings, etc. I just haven't posted it to my blog yet. Good post!

steveroni said...

What a revelation when we come to find that religion and spirituality are not necessarily one and the same.

Love one another....yeah!

Hope said...

Just checking in and saying hi. Hope you've had a good week.

Paola said...

What a great post! I love the quotation and comparing ourselves to a potato is great- I love potatoes!!

Paola said...

What a great post! I love the quotation and comparing ourselves to a potato is great- I love potatoes!!

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

thank you...there are no coincidences in, and this post, are in mine for a reason...

Thanks for being one more reason for my life today!!! :)

I love the way God does that, and I love you!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191