come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Self Doubt

I have been dealing with doubt for a while now. I am reading a book about doubt. Interestingly my mother, yes, my real mom; the mother who abandoned me. I have forgiven her and she is now a part of my life in a more positive way. I haven't brushed anything under the rug for those of you who will be wondering how I can have her in my life. I just can; that is the miracle of forgiveness. I am not stupid about it. Of course I am cautious. But her life is now a reflection of her choices and trust me; she has a difficult and lonely life. But she hasn't given up; she helps me from time to time, and I try to help her some.

Anyhow, she gave me this quote, it felt like an amazing grace to me; being that it was so prevalent to what I am dealing with and feeling with right now:

" Self doubt is natural from time to time, but never forget that you're very special.

Don't worry about whether or not you 're seeing everything as it really is --the world is full of veils and illusions today. If you can enjoy the show, that's probably as good as it is going to get.

Your creativity is like solar energy -- stronger when your outlook is sunny? So today, if you feel like you are running out of good ideas, run outside. Be confident in your ability to think up new ways of doing things and know that you can always rely on your sharp brain to come to the rescue ---eventually. While self doubt is natural from time to time, you need to remember that you can fix things if you keep working at them and thinking positively."

I so appreciated her giving this to me, and felt that it was so aligned with what I am feeling and needing right now. So often the comments that you bloggers leave for me do the same thing. And often also the things that each of you post influences me so much. That is my HOPE, that I can do that for you too. Hopefully my sharing this quote and my feelings helps one of you today.

Happy Valentines Day!


Lady In A Net said...

Thanks for sharing this. Your ability to forgive your mother while maintain a realistic relationship with her shows grow and strength on your part.

Your posts are extremely meaningful and provide me with food for thought.


April_optimist said...

Great quote from your mom. Part of healing is claiming a new vision for ourselves of who we are. You ARE a unique and wonderful spirit and a blessing to the world.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191