come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

from my mom

My mom sent me this beautiful email, even with all the struggle and abandonment that I have had through my relationship with her, I APPRECIATED this so much.

I don't think a child ever stops wishing that they could have a mother's love.


I know that I have always wanted it. In loving my own children I have never given up the HOPE that my mommy could love me:
That she didn't abandon me.

This email was priceless to my heart, my mind, my soul.

I know that I can't have my childhood back, or start it over, but I am thankful for forgiveness and the healing that comes from moving forward; onward, ever onward, and thankful for the healing promise of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I believe that He took our pains and that he hurt along with us; His life giving us healing and hope in his sacrifice. Thank you, my Savior.

And thanks to you all
for being here on my journey of healing.


I share with you the tender words from my mother, the woman who abandoned me; who I have forgiven, and who is now a part of my adult life.

This is what I have always wanted in a mother, and never had; until I forgave and chose to move forward.

I am thankful, I know that this is not always
what people are given in tragedies such as my childhood was:



To my daughter,
God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED -To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when She walks with you, she will always be safe.

I love you, Mom

5 comments:

steveroni said...

steveroni is SPEECHLESS...and that doesn't happen much--EVER?

Don't know how I'd feel, 'cause I've never 'been there'.

I love you also, MILE...but I'm sure it's different from the "Mom" I love you. AND from the "husband" I love you.

Mine is of the AA-type, the human race-type, the "Under God"-type, the "All things are ONE"-type of Love. I love the "God within you", as is explained on page 55 of our Big Book.

Guess I wasn't "speechless" after all!
Steve E.

mile191 said...

steve...thanks so much for the love and support. needed and apprectiated. i hope to be back and write some of how I REALLY am FEELING right now, write now. I will come by....haven't been too good of a blogger friend lately. i have been stuck in muck.

THANKS for the comments, and support. "MOM" is moving...more about that later...

mile191 said...

steve...thanks so much for the love and support. needed and apprectiated. i hope to be back and write some of how I REALLY am FEELING right now, write now. I will come by....haven't been too good of a blogger friend lately. i have been stuck in muck.

THANKS for the comments, and support. "MOM" is moving...more about that later...

Shadow said...

that is a beautiful message. and so very true. how know where we would find outselves, different to the now, if we hadn't had the people around us at the time, who were there.... you are a wonderful woman, deserving and strong! abandonment is still my master... but not for much longer, i can feel it in my bones. it's as if, suddenly without reason, some of the bonds i've been feeling have snapped... i guess, time is what it takes.

LeShel said...

wow

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.


this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.


mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.


please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.


this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.


Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥



What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191