Well, I am still alive, living proof again that you can have REALLY bad days and survive them. I don't know that my REALLY bad days are worth much; I mean, I have had worse, I have lived through worse. And my feeling sorry for myself right now is really unjustified.
I have a really great life now and should have no reason to be so down. So, here I am, stuck. Realizing that I don't have a real reason to complain; I have legs to stand on, family to hold and through thick and thin they are with me.
I have food on my table, clothes on my back. I am working through my recent depression the best that I know how to. I really am living proof that you can live, even through what feels like hell sometimes.
I realized as I tried to write a gratitude list in my journal last night that my attitude kept getting in the way. I started over and over again. Pulling myself constantly back to being positive, only to find myself complaining again.
And having nothing really to complain about, I was just being hard on myself. Negative about my own doings, or lack of doing. Truly just being hard on myself.
So I decided that what I would do is make a simple list. Two things to accomplish today, and get up and do them. That is where I am at. Today I will: clean my room, write one paper for school. If I can accomplish those two things by noon I will have the rest of the day to celebrate my ability to do them. Here goes. Wish me luck. I know that to most these two things sound like a breeze, but for me today it will be like running a marathon, and I am definitely not a runner.
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Thanks CORNUT32! ♥
What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.
I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.
Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191
3 comments:
Hi Mile191,
I have had pounded into my head for a long time (in recovery) that I need to feel whatever I feel and stop censoring the H--- out of it. I need to honor my own journey - no matter how slow it might seem.
Just allow yourself to be where you are. You are doing the work, putting forth the effort, and God will honor that and take you where you need to go.
Good luck on your two things you plan to do. Something tells me you will get them done. Please remember to let us know how it goes.
Love and prayers.
I know a lady that had to call her sponsor and tell her something like, "I am going to do the dishes." Then her sponsor would say, "OK, do the dishes and as soon as you are done, call me back, but just DO THE DISHES, nothing else!"
I have focus problems too! ADD, alcoholism, whatever? If I can just do one thing and finish it sometimes I feel like I have prevailed!
BTW If you did not get that stuff done, you know you will not be judged here, especially by this sick alcoholic! So post soon weather you did it or not! How important is it? (they say that in ALANON) tee, hee!
hiya sweetie. i hate those days where i just don't feel right. however, pinpoint what's wrong, i can't. i can't even pinpoint what's right... hang in there, time, fortunately, passes......
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