Loss

I have been writing my love story on my other blog. The Legend of Mr. B.

I decided that being caught up in his legacy has been a good place to B. I am really lucky to have such an kind, gentle, understanding and forgiving relationship. He is so good to me. Last night I took a break from the story. A silence of sorts. My son's fourth grade teacher died. Here is my post from my family-friendly blog:

"Sorry to take a break from the story. My fourth grade son's teacher died this morning and I can't think of words for the next part of our love story. Possibly it could be just to speak of the tender way my husband took my son into his arms and said, "Sorry about your teacher." Or maybe it was the way his hands patted back my boys hair, and a bit of the tears that were shed as he held him in his arms; tears shed by both of my men, for losing a teacher at such a young age makes a boy grow up too fast. Then my husband picked him up, laid my little mans head on his shoulder and held him until he had cried himself out of tears. Tomorrow wont change todays event, but in time he will find his heart has gotten used to not being use to the pain, and pretty soon he will be back at school; playing with his friends, doing math, music, recess; and he won't sigh so big, and the tears wont come as often. But not tonight."

I thought that I should let you, my supportive family here, know how I am doing. I am okay. I cried a lot yesterday. I held my son as he fell asleep. I held him this morning as he woke up. I sat with him while he wrote a valentine for his substitute teacher; the teacher who is now going to be HIS teacher for the rest of the year. She will no longer be considered a substitute; for she has inherited the position.

How am I doing with this? I am sad. Super sad. Another death for our family to deal with. Another loss; and to think that when both my grandmothers died in October, it was his teacher who hugged me; who said we could put of our Parent Teacher Conference until our family had dealt with the grieving. It was her tears in her eyes, her complete understanding and devotion to her students to help Sam through losing his Great-Grandmothers. Her kindness that gave him strength at school, when he was so sad. Then she was gone, suddenly, so suddenly, she was "out", having tests, surgery, chemotherapy. She had ovarian cancer, she was living at the Cancer Institute; it was a terrible cancer, one that quickly snuffed out her live, her vibrant and caring, nurturing life. Gone, so quickly.

We never got to have that parent teacher conference. It was over as quickly as it began; and now we are left to grieve the loss of our son's "favorite" ever teacher.

My hope and thought of gratitude is that we are strong. My son is so strong. He will be sad for a while. He will never forget her. Valentines Day will be a time for him to always remember the beautiful influence and mark she left on his youth. I will remember too.