something to work on - help from out there

thank you to Darlene for what she is doing. i don't know that she will ever see this, but i am posting it because she has given me hope, something to work on. these questions will be my journey for the next little while. maybe it will help someone else, or maybe you can share your secret with her, and she will help you, like she helped me. now it is up to me.

her response to my confession, my secret:

Some questions to consider for yourself... by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sal, it WASN'T your fault; it DID happen; you WEREN't—AREN'T— a liar. Your mother had serious problems that you bore the brunt of. Her emotional abandonment must have been devastating. You endured emotional abuse and neglect by your mother, and every form of abuse there is by a child molester.Your mother also physically abandoned you (and so did your father). Allow me to pose this question: If your mother had not turned her back on you physically, if you had been able to stay with her, would you have been better off? Consider the ways that you were better off: she was indifferent to you even before the abuse at the hands of that twisted excuse for a man; the abuse was going on for years, yet she supposedly did not know that something untoward was happening to her beautiful and previous daughter; she didn't believe you when you finally felt safe enough to disclose the molestation. I'm sure you can come up with even more examples.On a purely logical level you know that you can't change what happened to you in your past; yet on an emotional level you continue to relive your past over and over in your mind. Memories are thoughts, Sal. People don't let go of thoughts; thoughts let go of them, but only when those unhealthy thoughts are questioned and reversed.Reliving the abusive events and reliving the effects of these events, manifests in your role as a wife and mother, but it also manifests within you. Consider these questions, Sal: Have you abandoned yourself in the same way your mother abandoned you? Find some genuine examples of such self-abandonment. Are you neglecting yourself the same way both your mother and father neglected you? Again, find some genuine examples of such self-neglect. By reliving your memories of the abuse over and over in your mind, can you understand that your unhealthy thoughts are in a sense sexually abusing you each and every day, in spite of the fact that you are no longer physically experiencing that abuse? These above questions are a way to reverse your thoughts, Sal. Only by questioning and then reversing your unhealthy thoughts, can you hope to have those thoughts let go of you.You were powerless as a child. As an adult, you CAN make choices for yourself that will help move you forward. The fact that you are aware of what is happening to you is a HUGE plus. But now you must act on that knowledge. I cannot be strong enough in my urgings for you to seek out some form of counseling for yourself. For your personal sanity, it's time to stop "pretending", and instead to start "professing". A professional can help you with that. You're worth that kind of help, Sal, you really are.
Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.