come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

true loss

I think the biggest tragedy of all in this was that you had sisters hurting, and hating each other because an evil person spent his energy promoting meanness between you.

It is awful that we lost that bond of childhood because of him.

That to me is the worst part of it all.

When my sister spoke out, my mother finally left.

I should be happy for this but all I could feel was what was wrong with me.

Why was I not good enough to trust, to stand up for, to protect.

It just compounded my feeling of uselessness and lack of compassion from my mother. She really showed me that I mean nothing to her. It was horrible for me.

And in some ways it still is.


steveroni said...

Oh, Mile, I am SO with you tonight. Keep out those "bad" thoughts, and please trust in that One Who is All-knowing, All trusting, and will let you one day be free of the past.

It is alive in you no more! All that past IS past, even though you cannot (maybe do not wish to) shake it.

I/we have ceased fighting anyone, or anything...and we begin to learn again to love. And I love you now.

Prayer Girl is asleep, or I would ask her to answer you now.
Love, and prayers, are from

mile191 said...

thank you...♥

1427.17 said...

Thanks Steveroni for your excellent advice and love. I'm learning so much as I listen to you.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191