hope, love, peace in the path and comments: YOU

as i commented to a few of you who read me i realized that this is where i am finding my healing. through the web of friendship and support. my comment to steveroni was so profound to my healing and i really wanted to remind myself by posting this, that i am healing. (i hope it is okay for me to share, hope, wow - to think that is the name steveroni gave me.)

me, hope, to steveroni and prayer girl, who are there every step with prayers and thoughts:

Hey, i am back. I wanted to say thanks for the prayers and the love, i love my new name(s). hope and loive. so sweet.

thank you for being so kind. i am doing better than i thought, the holiday. even surrounded by the pain, we felt it together, as a family yesterday....and NOOO drinking. I couldn't believe it. I was such a pessimist, lost in the past.

We had the best holiday as a family, ever. Even with feeling the sadness of 20 years.

today i learned my uncle passed away last night. It was time for him. I am sad, but don't feel devistated. that is good.

I posted some awful stuff. i actually scheduled it to be posted, while I was out. Seeing it today hurt a lot. But not as much as I thought it would. I feel bad that it is there, for everyone to read, but the pain for me isn't as bad as in the past. i think that is healing. thanks for giving me a place to ramble on about my feelings today. and for the friendship via the web.

and thanks for the prayers at Mile 191. that was so thoughtful. I usually hold my breath as I pass them. to think that you, a stranger, would pray for me. and that you would think of me. means the world. thanks.

i didn't think that our holiday would go very well, with all the pain that comes from losing my foster mom 20 years ago. the day was better than i could have imagined. it started with my older sister calling me, crying, hurting about the loss of our mom. i told her how proud i was that she would express her pain, pain that has been stifled this long. i told her she wasn't alone, i would be there.

we cried, we talked, then we laughed, we danced, we ate, we played. it was amazing.

it showed me that by talking, by writing, by opening up about the hurt, the devistation, YOU CAN HEAL.

yesterday was good, no fighting. both my sisters, my brother, my dad, all the grandkids; we had an amazing day together. i am not trying to sound cheesy, but when you are used to painful, bad holidays, this was really a better day.

and the talking we did....which brings me to writing. as bad as my writing gets, the painful memories. I do have HOPE that it will heal me to no keep so much in my closet.

NEXT:

to patty after writing Thanksgiving Blues, which shows such strength with all she has been through.

me to her:

this is an amazing post. i especially love the quote about when it gets dark 
enough you can see the stars.

my posting is in the darkest point. and yet, as i am writing the stars i see are 
those of you who let me know that you are there and that i am not alone.

that is what i have felt, but now, after reading your post, i also feel more 
heavenly about it.

we are not alone. as hard as it is for me to write what i do, i am so thankful 
that i can, i can give it to God in a sense, and i can give it to those who God 
sent here to be my angels.

quote from her post [thanks for letting me borrow it]:
"When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars" Charles A. Beard

"If I so chose, I can regard everything that happens in my life as a gift from
which I can learn and grow. Today I will find something positive hidden within a
difficult situation and allow myself to be grateful. I may be surprised at how
much a little gratitude can help."

i have much to be thankful for.

FINALLY:

to amy, who gave me an award today. an award that made me realize that i can turn Mile, into Smile.

turning my mile, my hope, my healing into SMILE.
thanks, you gave me more than an award.

i will keep writing my story, but my hope for healing will come with more of a smile. thanks for you. little things that make you think, ponder, reflect and heal. those little things that you do become the really big things in my life that are helping me to heal. love ♥

comments are love through the lines. and as today i have found peace in the path that i am part of i appreciate your amazing words, and that i can be a part of your journeys as well.

here's to all of you, and a final thought from prayer girl, thanks:

God has the power to heal even the most horrific of experiences. It will take patience, persistence, and time on your part. I believe you have all of these. You do your part and GOD will do the rest.