Life went on. My mother came back into my life on one level when I had my first surgery for a fibroid tumor. She was here for me but more for herself. She seemed concerned but it is easy to be when you are circled in the arms of all who were caring for me in my life.
She was here to be a part of that, for the attention she could have for herself.
She should have stayed gone.
After her return home, I continued dating and fell in love with my husband. My mother again came to the wedding.
My wedding. What can I say? I am glad that I married, but more about that day is worthy to be forgotten.
I had hopes for the fairy tale; take me from my pain, beginning of a new chapter. Little did I know what the next chapter would involve.
I really enjoyed my younger sister coming to the wedding. It had been so long since I had seen her.
I remember that everything was to be left unsaid, as if life before now should be left forgotten. But the pain hiding behind her smile tore me up inside. She was still living a nightmare of her own, and I was no longer able to save her from it, being so far away.
My sister, what can I say. I do not know what it was like for her to be taken away, to have to meet up with the abuser and live more years with him.
It was as if all I had said to my mother did not matter. My sister assures me he never touched her again, but her hell was not over, it was just a different kind of hell.
I know that the terror of his existence is enough, and knowing that he knew, that he had every ability to hurt, kill or maim you was a threat, a daily threat.
He continued to hurt her in other ways, and he hurt my brothers; humiliation, manipulation, emotional and mental abuse. Being raised by that man made you feel as though you were nothing.
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Thanks CORNUT32! ♥
What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.
I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.
Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191
2 comments:
Mile, as an observer of the human condition, you are one of the leaders. IMO that is what constitutes good writing, an ability to communicate thoughts, feelings, events, and humanity in all its beauty and/or ugliness.
Your writing is so believable, so honestly presented--it gives the impression you are peering at yourself from without. And all those memories are rushing, gushing through your thought crevasses, flooding the valleys of your mind and soul.
Whatever one day you decide which form your creation will take, I am SO certain that God will show you what are His wishes for you to make it available to the world. You will one day help so many others who are reluctant (MEANING: hovering, cowering, midst complete fear in their private closets). I hope I live to see some of that good take place out from your work.
A "Best Seller"--in my book!
You are such a beautiful person, I am sure you'll find your way to a goal as worthy as becomes you.
Suffering must have a reason, or why was it?
Love,
Steve
I have alot more to read, I was poking around your pages today...
and what I knew about you all along I still know and admire.
You have come through so much, been so strong and survived. I will be back to read more later this week because now I want to know more...
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