"it will all be okay in the morning"

No, I said, no police. I will go home and tell my mom.

I called. Mom, I have something to tell you. He was on the other line. What is it?, they say. I will tell mom when I get home. I want him to leave. I tell her I wont come home until he leaves. What is wrong? he says. You know, I tell him. I am going to tell what you have been doing. I haven’t done anything. I say, I wont come home until he leaves. Okay, so he will leave. Bear walks me home.

I know now that had I walked home alone, I would be dead, or missing, but I would never be able to tell, I would have no end to my story. I would still be living it. He chased Bear home that night, if he couldn’t get me it would be her, then he could come back for me.

That was how he was. She made it home, somehow, she flew through the door, locked it, and he was right there...at the door, trying the nob...she was safe. but what if...

I toldl my mother everything. It is all true. What happened to my friend and me. He started touching my baby sister.

She says to me that whatever happened I must have brought it on my self. He wouldn’t do that, he is my daddy. Why am I telling her these things, these lies. How can any of these horrible things be true. I would have known, she says.

I would have noticed something. Like the times you were in bed with us while we were having sex. I would have noticed him touching you. I would have noticed if my own daughter was pregnant. Of course, if any of this were true, I would have known. She reminds me that I have always been a liar, this is just another one of my lies, a lie so I wont get in trouble for missing curfew.

Then everything changes, the look in her eyes.. suddenly she becomes kind, "go to bed dear. It will all be okay in the morning."

She says she will figure something out. I sleep. For the first time in nine years I go to bed without him touching me.








The next day is the beginning of a new route for me. How could I have known where this road would lead? I was trusting my mother, I was hoping and dreaming things would finally be better for us. She is trying to explain to my brothers and sisters where their daddy is.

It is my fault, of course, I made him go away, but it will all be okay, because she has a plan.



I needed to move out, because everyone was so angry that I had made their daddy go away. They all hated me. It wasn’t safe for me to live with them, she said.

It would only be for a while. She would find a place close by. Could I move in with my friends.

I moved to a friends house, then in a few weeks to another.

I called my mom, I had to go home for the weekend, the family would be going camping and waterskiing, which my mother would never allow to do. Mommy, could I come home please, just for the weekend. I miss everyone, I ask her.

No, go ahead and go with them, it would be too hard to have you come home. This is what my mom said to me. Have a good time, she says.



It was a great weekend. I had never been camping or on a boat. This was a lot of fun. Do people really do things like this?, I had always wondered. I couldn’t believe how nice my friends family was to me. Especially her dad. He was a lot of fun and he was kind to me. And I wasn't scared of him. What a thing. Dad's who are fun, funny, and nice. WOW.

It was a great weekend. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell my mom thanks, it really was so much fun.

We got home on Sunday night. I went to my house and used the key to go inside. Something was different, something had changed. The house was empty.