come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Friday, January 30, 2009

...being broken as a child...

"This part of who I am started long ago before my husband or my children, before my circumstances now when I had very little say about who I was and how I lived. I remember her from my childhood when my mother clearly disliked me and did little to hide that fact. I would try harder, reach farther and finally when that did not work I acted as if I did not care. That is when it all began for me really, this ugly piece of myself that for whatever reason helped to protect me when I was young. But the lessons left scars as it taught me to not trust, to act out for attention because after all negative attention was better than no attention at all. It taught me that there was no comfort to be found from the arms of another and that just because a woman could give birth did not make her a mother." ---cat

Wow, this brought me a lot of feelings.
this post from cat was amazing....she began:
"I am my own worst enemy"


LarryG said...

lifting up a prayer for ya!

steveroni said...

A guy who I never liked told me once (not too long ago), "Steve, you are your OWN WORST ENEMY!"

At home later that night I pondered what he had said, and decided he was really, REALLY my friend--the only guy who told me the unvarnished TRUTH.

His name, Eugene, is one I shall take with me to heaven. Thank you, Eugene!

Prayer Girl said...

Many of us used all kinds of self-harmful defenses to survive. God is a healing God. It may take a lifetime, but He is up to the task. Thankfully, it keeps getting better if we just keep turning to Him.

God bless you Cat and Mile 191!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191