come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Please excuse Mile 191 for her absence....

Please excuse Mile 191 for her absence....

Can I write an excuse note for myself....I have been broken down at another Mile in my life...and being stuck there have been absent from here..

So, here goes.

First order of business: THANK YOU for the lOVe and kindness in your comments and for reading and still reaching out to me while I have been gone,

I have been blogging and FB on my alter sites. Some of you know me. Some of you know my other sites. And thankfully I have been on that layer; Which is a more carefree layer. This has been my place when I feel sad and stuck in the past.

At least HAS BEEN....I am now sharing my progress with you...I am in a better place. Still some bad days, and moments. But mostly I feel that I am doing good.

I recognize that comes from the HEALING. WhiCH HEALING came from what WORK i have done HERE.

So it is kind of good news that I have been absent. Because that means I have been on a happy level. Plus I started back into school, so my intellect has been firing.

Okay. THe POINT is that I don't believe in biting the hand that feeds you....I feel that people should never be forgotten. THe LEGS you STAND ON, per say. AND you all here are my LEGS, and the HAND THAT FEEDS ME the sense of you support me so much in my emotional and mental struggle and I don't want any of you to think that I FORGET YOU.
I do not forget, and I do check my comments and they fill my cup. is my post from my alter site...I want to share with you how I feel I am doing today:

I love and appreciate all you do to support me.

I look forward to blogging some more happy moments with you, I am feeling pretty good right now, and when I look back on this site at where I have been I know that I have been on a journey, which has brought me to where I am now,
and I am THANKFUL.

Love and hugs to all of you for your kind love and support. I plan to check in on all of you. So leave me a comment, so that I know you were here and I will be back to see how you are doing. Sound okay to you.


Here is my happiness today:

Okay, so I was out checking out my friendly bloggers sites and an idea popped into my mind that sounds SOOOOO fun that I am going to do it for Family Home Evening.

FHE [for short] is a night that we, as LDS - Mormons - spend together each week, singing, praying, reading scriptures, having a lesson, eating a yummy treat; and in our house we do the pledge of allegiance as well [so we have an assignment for every person.] If you want more info about my religion just link to it from the sidebar and below, picture of Christ.

So, here is my idea: my friend had made a mailbox for her son and he was so enjoying it. I am going to have my kids make their valentines boxes after school Monday, and then have them make valentines for each other. Then we will have a mailperson assigned every week and on Mondays they can deliver the mail to the mailboxes for the entire month of February. Four weeks, four kids, four opportunities to write each other and to recieve mail from each other. I am pretty excited.

Do any of you have ideas to go along with this??? The plan is in the making so I would love any input. Thanks for reading, and for sharing your world with me and my family. We are better off because of you!!! Over and OUT!
And, speaking earlier of my religion. The one person who knows how to truly love; my main squeeze, is Christ. [okay, yes, that was cheesy] Anywho, He is the top of the love chain for every one of us. If you don't already have an idea of how much, go ahead, check into it for yourself. He loves me, and he Loves you. And what better time of life than now to find out just how much. Love yourself enough to look into it. It's amazing!!!


cornnut32 said...

i wrote a comment but not sure if it if you get two, sorry! :)

thanks for stopping by my blog. yes, that is the best one for you to follow. i have really enjoyed reading your thoughts here.

that sounds like a great fhe idea! growing up i loved monday nights with my family, especially as we got older and were so busy all the time.

Mena said...


Thank you for your comments. Of course you can link me thank you!!

I saw my rapist yesterday and it had really hurt me

Prayer Girl said...

Hope -
I adore your valentine mailbox idea. Anytime you are getting down on yourself that you aren't a good enough mother, please remember from me to jettison that idea as far away as you can. It just ain't so.

What is so is that you are a wonderful mother. Perfect? No! Wonderful? Yes!

Mena said...

I never actaully told anyone so no. he was never convicted. Yesterday almsot killed me. Ive never felt like this. Like the past 2.5 years never meant anything. it hurts just as bad

Alanis Rae said...

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm glad to know you're there with me on this journey.

Mena said...

yes of course you can share my profile

thank you sooo much!

mile191 said...

thanks for the comments. i especially needed to hear that I am a good mom. I haven't felt that way today, and the comment made me feel better about myself. I guess I need to go now and enjoy those great kiddos. thanks for the props.

LulaBelle said...

You sound upbeat and chipper-I am glad you are doing well. You are always in my thoughts.

LADYBUG said...

I dont know your other sites but this one was so important to you, that whatever time was invested in here from you specially and from all of us was worth it. We got to know a woman that had to suffer way too much, so many of young women today can learn from you. God is using your experiences to teach millions of mothers to take responsibility for their children. thank you for your visit and comment. I appreciate your words.

si tu veux said...


who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191