come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

good enough for what?

"You know... some times I think all I am good enough for is sex and that I should have a sign on my back saying so.. but now I think I'm just good for making others happy, whether its sex or not.

Just walk all over me"

from a beautiful disaster

I have felt this feeling from abusive situations in the past. And there is still a part of me that sometimes says to my husband, well, maybe you would be nice if I gave it to you, or some other god awful thing, which hurts him to the very core. It is awful being a victim/survivor of abuse.

Notice I say both, because even once you survive it there are moments you are still a victim of it.

And it sucks. Anyhow, knowing this and feeling such a sympathy for those of you who are hurting right now, I just wanted to say. I am sorry. I am sorry for all the times you have felt yourself being walked all over, or that you were only good for one thing.

You are not alone, i am here, we are here. Please let me know if you are reading and if I can do anything, even if it is just stop by your site more often. Yes, I am here. I get busy and don't get out there as much as I would like, but if you need me, I am here, just please say so.

love and appreciation for your reading me, for your comments and support as well. I am still healing, always healing, which is to say, I HOPE I am always getting a bit better than yesterday, but not as good as tomorrow. Thanks again. love to you all. xoxoxxx


Cat said...

Your post's and comments do me a world of good - thank you.


Sparkle said...

I'm very touched that you quoted me.
You are right hun... we should all be here for each other.. one day we will be okay xx

April_optimist said...

There are patterns we sometimes don't even realize we have. You'll laugh at me, but after I adopted my dog this summer, I realized one day that I was falling into the pattern of putting her needs first, of believing I HAD to be able to make her happy--that that was my raison d'etre.

Being able to make others happy may have been our only way to survive. I know that i literally would have been dead if I hadn't figured out how. And it's so easy to think that's the only reason we matter to others--for what we give them.

Big (((((hugs))))).

Psych Client said...

I can bond with the "just walk all over me" phrase. All too well.

Thanks for my award Mile! Love ya

Kathy Lynne said...

thank you for your encouragement...and for sharing your closet...xo

Tamara (TC) said...

Many hugs to you! Yes, even when we have survived or are healed, the unexpected can catch us off guard. But, each day we just continue to learn, heal and grow and even if it doesn't feel like it at times, each day we become just a bit stronger.

in time out said...

thank you all. it is such a beautiful refreshing feeling of love to come here and find your comments, and to know that somehow, even as hard as some feelings are to feel, that not one of us is truly alone. scary that so many people are hurting. love to you today. ♥

Marj aka Thriver said...

You're right. I think most of us, if we're rally honest, still feel this way more often than we'd like to admit. It does suck. But, knowing we're not alone does help. Thanks for being honest.

Hey, I finally got a post up where I mention the Lemonade award--thanks again. Unfortunately, I tried lots of my usual tricks and I can't get the graphic to load. ;( Pooey!

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191