come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Why I sit through Church.

Why I sit through Church.

notice the period at the end of that title. because it is a statement, not a question.

here goes:

I love the music.
I love being able to sit for three hours once a week.
I love learning.

not in that order necessarily.

so here is what i learned this week,
that will keep me coming back for more.

This past Sunday was High Council Sunday. For those of you who are not Latter Day Saints of the Church of Jesus Christ, as I am;

definition here: High Council does not mean they are passing out pot, however, if that will get you to try coming...go ahead and think so and join us. This is better than pot, or any other recreational high. this is better, and yes, I can speak for that.

So, High Council Sunday has been said to be Dry Council Sunday, or Nap time Sunday, many LDS congregations avoid High Council Sunday, even the Men on the High Council make fun of it. It is generally the longest meeting of the month, the most painful meeting of the month, and you are guaranteed a nap. It has been said. I actually love High Council Sunday, and not because of the drugs...jk.

okay, so here is what I learned at church this past Sunday:

Brother W. recalled that Joseph Smith, who translated the Book of Mormon, [that little book lovingly being held in Macks arms in the picture below...go ahead, scroll down, and come back - I will is easier than linking to it.

go ahead, i am waiting...

okay, your back. good.

so, he was recalling the story of Joseph Smith reading the Bible and reading in James 1:5, "if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God."

But he didn't stop there, he went on to say the following passage,

verses 6-8: But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.
For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." see why I listened...a double minded...unstable man...[well, woman], yes, I thought he was talking ABOUT me.

You can't serve two gods, he goes on to say. And personally, I know this to be true, so I am really listening here. He goes on to teach that thoughts and actions if that do not conform to our own asperations and intentions of the heart we must purify our hearts and actions of all double mindedness.

the bottom line here is stability. the less stable, the less happy we are. I mean a house built upon an unstable foundation will crumble and fall. He is now teaching about becoming one minded, and the wrestling between "I really should, I really shouldn't", our personal inner war, and how hard it is to wrestle with what is right and wrong.

No matter your religion, we all have this to work with. A house divided fails, hence, divide and conquer. it is self-destructive. Which is why we make covenants, promises, why we follow our inner compass, or at least, why we should.

We are more pure and more divine if we follow our inner compass, it will bring us to what we are becoming a much happier people.

We live moment by moment, sometimes minute by minute, decision by decision. In order to have balance and harmony within us is a matter of what we do externally with the moment, minutes, decisions.

We have to learn to be true to ourselves, in order to have fullfillment, and pure joy.

No worries, if you are double minded and unstable. Me too.

But we can become single minded. First we have to become confident in our decision to do so. To really focus on doing.

This is a good time, as good as any, to commit to do better at the things that we know and feel are right. Every one of us has an inner compass, which compass guides and directs us.

Me, I am going to take his words to heart. I am going to remember the feeling I had Sunday, and access that which I know to be true to become what He, my Father in Heaven, knows I can become.

Father in Heaven is God, we just like to call him Father, it is more endearing. We also call him God, so whatever.

But I know that He knows me, He cares about me, and He does want me to find my inner potential and beauty, particularly because He has given to me children to raise and I think He doesn't want me screwing up the beginning of their lives.

I know about this because I make a lot of mistakes, and I feel the reprimand of a Father.

So what do we do when we find ourselves in a fog? Where is the comfort that we can find our way back to where we need to be? To become one minded. To become single minded. To be stable. Because if there ever was a drug being handed out for stability that would be the one I would want.

Well, we believe in an Atonement. That is basically what our Savior Jesus Christ did for us. And it is what brings us at one with him. hence the a tone ment, meaning at one me and T. The T is like the cross that Jesus died on. Okay, our church doesnt teach it that way....but I am big on figuring out ways to remember how to spell things, and I came up with this when I was a teenager, maybe pre-teen. And it has stuck with me.

What does the at one men T mean to me?

To become my true best self. The transformation of me is my personal journey. It is about becoming my best me, becoming the most wonderful person that I can possible become, putting all my effort, my faith, my soul into trusting in the Father in Heaven, accessing the power of the love from Jesus Christ, and becoming ME.

With or without religion isn't that a natural feeling that we all have as humans, how do I become my best self. It is a conquer the world kind of feeling.

Well, I believe them when I hear them say the worth of a soul, a single soul is amazing. I believe them when they say that Heavenly Father does not gage us by our deeds alone, he sees our infinate worth. What we are becoming.

So, in my own tendency to be double minded and unstable, I have hope that what I am becoming is enough. That I can believe this and it is enough to just keep doing my personal best every day. And then letting him work a miricle on me. Let him make me who he sees me to become. Give of myself where I can. Lift someones burdens so they are lighter for them, where I can. Love one another, and just keep trying my very best. It is enough. And when the time comes, to accept what the Savior does, to make up the difference, and just say thank you. Those words, Thank you. For what he had done for us is enough. And it can heal us. He heals us.It was and always is the way back to our Heavenly Home. To trust, to believe, to do our best, and then to allow Him to do the rest.

I am pretty excited as I think about this. Yes, discouragement will still come in it's moments, but it is good for me to know that today, I knew. I am good on the picture
to find out more
about my church

go ahead,
there is a reason
he is smiling like that!


Shadow said...

oh i'll sit through your post any day. i have problems sitting still, so i may just be one of those who'd miss this altogether or fall asleep, heee heee heee. thanks for sharing.

as for the game, your letter is.... c. looking forward to yours.


I have read some of your posts and would like to revisit.

If you like reading short stories from an Indian writer, then a visit to my blogs would be an interesting one for you.

Naval Langa
Another Interesting Blog

steveroni said...

Mile, I notice that SHADOW has bestowed upon you a letter "c",,,and I have picked for you the letter "h". So I guess you either take your pick--or do two letters (or combine them, e.g., "CH"

Whatever, I'm sure your choice/decision will be worthy of us all.

And yes, I read the whole thing also--even got involved in the "Explanations" pages, so I guess people DO read, when we write "Blongs"! -grin

Cat said...

My husband tells a story of when he was in jail the last time, at his very bottom he was handed a bible and as he opened it up, he read that passage, " a man cannot serve two gods" and he says he got it - he finally understood that alcohol had been his god up until that moment and he needed to embrace GOD in order to move on in life...

LADYBUG said...


who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191