come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

writing to heal

it's been a while since i have written much.
i came to a good place in my journey,
and i feel a lot of hope.
i accepted help.
professional help.

probably because,

no actually BECAUSE of so many of you.

you friends here who have given me hope
and have given me a desire to seek help,
and helped me to realize that I am worth the help.

I know I began this journey to feel like I have a voice,
to speak out and to be empowered by my words and my story.
Because by writing about it I feel it is no longer a secret.
And I have felt like it doesn't make me a broken mess.

Broken maybe, but not a mess.
I always felt that if anyone knew
the real truth that they would not be able to like me,
or that it would be like having the plague;

they might still like me but have to avoid me
because whatever it was it was really bad.

I don't feel like that anymore.

Today I just wanted to write to say, I am still here.
I am not sure that I have much to say today.
But I needed to say thanks.
Thanks for still checking on me,
even though right now the rut I am in doesn't have words.

THanKS! ♥


jiggins said...

Well..that is what it is about right? We are here to voice our voices and be heard, or not - to at the VERY least .. have it written out for ourselves to analyze. Never-mind the judgment by some.. it's the healing words from others. We cannot see ourselves sometimes, until we have seen how we are perceived. Glad you had some good times in your time away from this blog. You got this! See you on the next post!

Hey, also come on over and check out my new blog endeavor -
humanus augmentis It is a new blog for tech-gadget fans and the like... and as always.. see you back over at
con·tin·u·um. follow Thanks for following :)

LADYBUG said...

Hi Mile, I am glad to hear from you. I have read all blogs from your book. From the book EAT PRAY LOVE I learn that we can get rid of memories because that will be like erasing part of our life, but in the book she has spiritual encounters where she learn that she has to put all those memories in a part of her brain where she talk to these litle devils, tell them to leave you alone, that you dont need them anymore, that they will stay in this safe place forever, they dont need to hunt you all the time like neglected children because they are y a good place, and just continue with your life. its interesting, I tried, it works!. Mile, if you could handle that, you can handle anything! it wasnt your fault, but fogive yourself. God be with you in the process.

LADYBUG said...

I'm sorry, I meant to say "we can not get rid of memories"

April_optimist said...

Love the poem. I've heard it said that change always looks and feels like a mess in the middle of it. It's only when we get to the end of the process that we can see how that mess was really the necessary steps to where we are going to be.

jiggins said...

Sometimes you gotta "burn before you're mellow..." SO burn baby burn..and get through it.. you can rise from the from the ashes with a fresh perspective after. Take care of yourself and you will heal.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on taking a big step in self care. I am here if you need me. It's not an easy road. Nothing worth it ever is, yadda, yadda. God, some days I just feel like, would you just get OVER it already Patty!?! Then I question myself and wonder if I did the right thing by "telling." Then I realize that, yes, I did, that was the first baby step. Now the rubber is trying to meet the road and it has been a bitch, and even though I have felt like giving up, I won't. It may very well take the rest of my life, however long that is going to be, but I don't care. I am not giving up! I won't if you won't. OK? Here with you in spirit. Patty

steveroni said...

Well, now that my eyes are getting slightly wet (crying), reading your post (Hope!) I am so happy for you, receiving help. It has got to be nothing less than good.

And I will go to a few meetings tomorrow, knowing that I have something positive to say to help someone who IS where you WERE.

I'm glad I did not go to bed before reading your blog.

But it is sure time NOW...Good night.
Steve E.

Rebecca said...

((((Hugs)))) to you my friend...

*Strong and Determined*

mile191 said...

thanks everyone....

Shadow said...

it's good to hear from you again. i'm glad you are in a more peaceful place. and you are always a pleasure to read and to know. we all have 'truths' we'd rather not have, doesn't mean we are lesser people for it. we are who we are because of them. and i like you just the way you are.

LulaBelle said...

I'm glad you're doing well. And I'm very proud of you for reaching out and getting the help you need and deserve.

Pam said...

and I am so glad you are still here.

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191