come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

10 things no one knows about me:

question courtesy of Jess Mistress of Mischief.
when i asked for readers
to ask me things they want to know.

1. i don't do major housework,
i surface clean...and fake the rest.

2. i haven't read an entire book through for at least 3 years.
i have stacks of books around but haven't finished any of them.
3. i don't spend quality time with my kids anymore;
i am always irritable, and i don't give them enough attention.
4. i haven't read a bedtime story
to my kids in so long....i can't remember.
my husband reads to them and tucks them in.
it is something i already regret.
5. i promised myself i would live with NO REGRETS,
and yet, i have many of them.

okay...these are pretty negative and i am wondering why i am so hard on myself. he didn't say write ten AWFUL things about myself...just 10 things, which tells me that I am kind of depressed, RIGHT NOW, I am going to stop this confession and think of 5 positive balance it out. And then I am going to get off the computer and resolve the five things I just recognized about myself that I regret and work on changing them.

6. i take a lot of pictures.
my kids know that their lives are important
because they are well documented.
i always want to take pictures of them
accomplishing things.
i support them in everything they want to do.
7. i let my kids eat dessert first.
i figure that if they eat the good stuff first
they might be too full for dessert so
we eat the sweet first. yummy.
our motto is: Life is short, eat dessert first.
8. i spend a lot of time with my grandparents.
even losing my grandmother,
i know that i spent the time I needed to with her,
and now I continue to see my grandpa
and talk to him often.
I have no regrets there.
9. i date my husband,
and i love it. (and i love him,
he is amazing, which makes me feel pretty good,
because he loves me, just the way that i am.)
10. i believe in Jesus Christ,
and I love to share my feelings about Him,
He has done so much for us.
I think this is probably the most important
thing that I could come up with about me
that is good.
He makes ME worthwhile.

11. i am adding one because i need to say it.
I am a good mother.
I have faults, so I am not perfect,
and I don't think being perfect is
the most important thing.
I snuggle my kids, they know I love them,
we are a pretty good combo,
my husband and me.
The kids don't lack for anything
between the two of us,
and that is all that matters.
I don't have to do everything,
what i do is enough.
So, @11: I AM A GOOD MOM.
and I am trying to do better
at a lot of the things that I wish I did
, and that is what matters most.

phew...that was hard.
thanks for asking....i think i made it
harder than was necessary.
and not really even interesting. just painful.

maybe i need a redo.

and not make it so HARD.
A little on the lighter side
would have been nice. oh well.
i am going to post it anyhow.
It feels a bit like confession,
and will be good for me to leave here,
in my healing place.
and to work on the things i found
that i want to change...or make better

thanks for reading...

or at least for the kindness
you extend in commenting.

Have a happy day!


Shadow said...

if we were all perfectly good angels. but we're not. yet that doesn't make up bad either. look at all the good you do.....

Tamara (TC) said...

I was happy to see you recognized you were being negative and too hard on yourself and turned it around. It sounds to me like you have a lot of wonderful in your life. I hope that you can focus on that for the most part.


steveroni said...

Mile, you are hereby nominated today for the BBOTW (Best-Blog-Of-The-Week)
Since I'm the only one voting, you are the WINNER!

This blog was positively the BEST! It is a good beginning of a great Step Five! Not just facts, but what the heart says, and how the heart feels--BEYOND those facts, as you see them.

You are a lucky girl to have a husband who loves and cherishes you, and his family. So MANY on here we read do not have that gift of a 'bonded' family. And HE is SO VERY lucky to have YOU, girl. I'm so happy for you I'm tearing up (just a little!)

Love, from your blogger friend, Steve E.

Anonymous said...

I had a hard time doing that one too. I hate being brutally honest about myself, unless I feel like it! LOL. Sometimes my honesty turns into negativity, great job turning it around!

Cat said...

Often time my time looking at myself is so negative that I put on those rose colored glasses to give myself a break - but then taking them off is always so much harder...

who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥

What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191