come into my closet, come under my bed, where you'll find me hiding,
the fear in my head.

abuse in the past, now, where do i start, making my future,
healing my heart.

crushed, and broken, falling fast-
needing comfort, make it last.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

being sad

i have laid in bed today for a couple of hours, not able to sleep but trying to not think. i cried too much yesterday and can't even really think of why. i don't know what i feel, i just know that i don't like me right now and i don't like how i spend my time. i waste, i hoard, i am disorganized, i am selfish. i am mad at myself, and i just want to be alone, and it feels sucky. i keep trying to pull myself out of feeling like this, i have gone back and read some stuff i posted lately and i don't like it, i don't remember why i posted it, and i pulled most of it because it feels embarrassing. what is wrong with me. i don't know. i don't feel like me right now, and i don't like it, but then again what would me feel like.
so .... a while back i posted something really pathetic and really vulnerable, and then i posted something about feeling better and knowing that you can pull out of these really depressed feelings, so i know there is hope. i just need to check in with myself i guess, and right now i feel sad.
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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just take care of yourself...Somedays we DO feel selfish, self centered, tired, cranky, mad at ourselves. Sometimes we NEED time alone, just to think, or just to do NOTHING! Don't be embarrassed about anything you write, what you write at the time you write it comes from your heart, that is how it is suppose to be.

Let yourself feel sad today. Then tomorrow, pull yourself up by your boot straps and move on with life. There is NOTHING wrong with taking a day to be sad...to think.. *hugs*

January 27, 2009 at 4:49 PM
1427.17 said...

I think it's in the air. someone once told me it's okay to feel our feelings. I gained a lot of insight from that simple statement. take a moment, take a couple moments and then climb up.
I'll try to listen to my own advice.

WV: toling: I think it fits the moment.

January 28, 2009 at 8:31 AM
Mena said...

So much as these kinds of days tend to suck, they are also helpful and give you time to think and reflect about all the shit in our lives ya know? Take care

and thank you <3

January 28, 2009 at 10:57 AM
Beth Fehlbaum, Author said...

Hang in there. You'll make it.
Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
Ch. 1 is online!

January 28, 2009 at 5:29 PM

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who I was, who I am, who I plan to be...

i am trying to heal from severe childhood sexual, emotional,
physical, and mental abuse; and abandonment.

this is my story.

i have good and bad days, and some days the odds seem insurmountable.
i cling to the hope that healing will come to mend the shatter pieces of my heart, mind and body.

mile 191, well, you will understand as you read along.
mile 191, portions of my past have a link on the top right.
mile 191, bottoms up. hears to you and to me.

please, if you know me, just let me know you found me. i need honesty. (and please do not use personal names)
if you want to follow my story, please try to heal with me.
if you want to share with me, please do.
i will post bits of my pain as i can, and leave it here.
i once thought that i would publish...i haven't had the courage.

this is my closet, you are welcome to come in.
just know this is my refuge, healing takes place here,
maybe it will be a refuge to you too.

Quotes from Suvivors United - Standing Strong Together Against Abuse

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face.
Eleanor Roosevelt

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Helen Keller

Success is not to be measured by the position someone has reached in life, but the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.
Booker T. Washington

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard, ' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Sydney Harris

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.
Richard L. Evans

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Joshua J. Marine

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks CORNUT32! ♥



What a sweet award....and thanks for creating something so wonderful that can be passed along to bloggers who are indeed making a difference by sharing their lives.

I invite all my faithful and dear blogger friends to take this award. You indeed have made a difference in my life.

Thank you so much for being with me on my journey to heal....mile 191